There’s a lot of things to do in Skyrim, from dragon killing to creature killing to bandit killing. But one player, Twitter user Patrick Lenton, decided to take a break from all of that to adopt a dog.
worst part of Skyrim was when I found that dog whose owner died in a cabin, and then I of course had to adopt the dog bc i'm not a monster
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
Of course, with dogs, being dogs, it wasn’t long before the little guy decided to join in on the adventures. That’s when things got a little complicated for our roaming adventurer.
@PatrickLenton and I fucking love this dog, but i'm wondering around trying to solve quests and save the world and junk, but this good dog
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
@PatrickLenton this good dog always tries to help out fighting giants and dragons, and it's like 'NO DON'T HURT MY DOG'
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
Like, really difficult. He even had to build a house…
@PatrickLenton so then I find out that I can build a homestead and my dog can live there, so the next four days of my life are building shit
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
But of course, the housing market in Skyrim is completely violent and full of things that are all ready to jump you the second you turn your back.
@PatrickLenton while bandits and dragons still attack my dog while i'm bloody mining ore and building a goddamn solarium for my pooch
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
You’d think that’s where the story ends, right? Yeah, no, there’s yet another hurdle.
@PatrickLenton and then the dog won't stay in the house, and I discover I have to adopt a child first, and the child has to like my dog
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
@PatrickLenton so i go to an orphanage, to discover they are being mistreated by an evil woman, so I kill her
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
And don’t even get him started on the whole parenting thing, with how fickle kids are.
@PatrickLenton and then I discover that the girl WON'T MOVE INTO MY HOUSE BECAUSE I DIDN'T MAKE A PROPER BED FOR HER
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
@PatrickLenton SO I DECIDE TO BUILD A NEW HOUSE, ON A FUCKING LAKE BECAUSE I FIGURE IT WILL BE A GOOD PLACE TO RAISE CHILDREN OR WHATEVER
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
And wouldn’t you know it, Lenton winds up with another dog for his troubles, because of course.
@PatrickLenton anyway, then I meet another goddamn dog on the road, but it's a fucking demon dog, and it comes with me too
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
This can’t be what Bethesda had in mind when they made this game…right?
@PatrickLenton and it's like – months have passed by in the game, the world is being invaded by dragons, and I'm just focused on real estate
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
Blah blah, middle middle, middle…
@PatrickLenton so I just never went back to my house, but even though I destroyed my marriage and killed a man
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
@PatrickLenton i know that my dog is safe.
THE END. THANK YOU
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
You can read the full account of events here in this Storify, but at least you know it’s got a happy ending. Granted, it’s one that required children being homeless and some bloody real estate battles, but the dog is safe! But as for Patrick, well…
@annaspargoryan i can't believe I wrote this instead of that article that will earn me money which is due today
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) April 5, 2016
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Published: Apr 5, 2016 10:52 am