Let’s not beat around the bush: Final Fantasy VII Remake has a lot to live up to. Fans are already torn on the direction in which it’s heading so far, but based on what we’ve seen so far it looks like the source material is being adhered to rather well. Additionally, game director Tetsuya Nomura has confirmed again that yes, Cloud’s infamous crossdressing scene will be included in the remake. Hopefully this means only good things for many of the other lighthearted and entertaining moments in Final Fantasy VII staying put in the upcoming remake. Here are some of our top picks of what we hope to see in brilliantly realized high definition when Final Fantasy VII Remake hits store shelves.
Summoning Fat Chocobo
The first summon materia you can obtain is the amusing Choco/Mog, which when summoned will bring forth a moogle riding a chocobo as they charge together into the enemies. However, there is a 1-in-16 chance that instead of Choco/Mog, you’ll summon Fat Chocobo, who unexpectedly drops onto your foes from above. Some people have played the game without ever realizing this could happen, which only adds to its entertainment value.
Assuming Yuffie and Vincent remain as optional characters, the clever way you go about befriending Yuffie is just too good to cut. Once defeating her in battle, you must select the exact correct string of dialogue options to make her follow you, or else you risk her running away. If you open your menu for any reason, ask her name, or go to use the tempting nearby save point, she quickly flees the scene and you must find her, fight her, and defeat her once more. It’s brilliant.
After narrowly saving young Priscilla’s life by giving her CPR, she offers up the assistance of her friend Mr. Dolphin so Cloud can make his way up into Junon’s city. How exactly is a dolphin going to help Cloud get there? By jumping really high from the water while Cloud rides him, of course! It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but that’s part of the charm behind it. Hopefully the Dolphin on the little girl’s shirt in the remake’s E3 announcement trailer was proof to show that Mr. Dolphin will be seen again.
Red XIII, Incognito
During the cargo ship trip from Junon to Costa Del Sol, your teammates all dress up in SOLDIER or seaman outfits to blend in and avoid suspicion. Only, being less than human, Red XIII doesn’t fit the ensemble very well. He awkwardly dances on a small stage with no audience, tail sticking out and everything. This is, without a doubt, something I must see in 1080p at 60 frames per second.
Hojo at the Beach
Professor Hojo is your typical mad scientist. He is responsible for Sephiroth’s existence, tries to get Red XIII and Aerith to mate (for science!), and injects himself with Jenova cells in an effort to thwart you. So seeing this gangly, creepy old dude just hanging out at the beach, bikini-clad women strewn about him, is just such perfect, hilarious juxtaposition to his character.
The Turks Talk Girls
When you first reach the broken town of Gongaga, Reno and Rude of the Turks seem to be waiting for your arrival, first sparking the notion that a spy lies in your ranks. The amusing part here is eavesdropping on their conversation before making yourself known. Rude admits to crushing on Tifa, and they discuss Elena’s feeling’s for Tseng, as well as more juicy gossip. Truly, a remake of Final Fantasy VII would be lacking without such comic relief.
Palmer’s Just Desserts
As Shinra’s head of the Space Department, the incompetent Palmer is tasked with procuring the use of Cid’s airplane to search for Sephiroth. After felling the silly man in Rocket Town, he attempts to make a hasty getaway. Suddenly, unexpectedly, and beautifully, as he turns to run away, a Shinra shipping truck screeches to a halt after accidentally running straight into Palmer. The placement of the truck doesn’t make sense, as the fight takes place in Cid’s back yard, but the moment is still too hilarious to be removed.
Cloud and Barret’s Bro-Date
Near the end of Disc One, Cloud gets to go on a date with Tifa, Aerith, or Yuffie, whichever girl he has grown the closest to since the game’s beginning. However, if you play your cards just right, big burly Barret may be coming to ask Cloud to go for a walk instead, just the two of them. The scene is awkward and wonderful, and it would be a crying shame if the option did not remain in Final Fantasy VII Remake.
The Event Square’s Stage Show
If the aforementioned date is with one of the girls, you’ll get to take part in a fun little stage show in the Event Square. You can choose to play along with the script of just wing it, often with truly laugh-out-loud results. Would you like to see Cloud and the supporting characters pirouette off-stage in the Unreal Engine? I sure as heck would.
Tifa v. Scarlet: Dawn of Justice
Sephiroth has summoned Meteor, Cloud is missing, terrifying weapons are loose upon the Planet, and Tifa has just narrowly escaped the gas chamber. She’s run to the end of the Sister Ray cannon, only to reach a dead end with Scarlet closing in. The two women have had it just about up to here with each other, and get in a literal slap fight. There is no real consequence for winning or losing the brief kerfuffle, but it sure feels good to knock Scarlet on her smarmy ass. It would feel even better if the models were less blocky and cartoonish.
Old Man Calls You Out
If there’s one unspoken rule in any RPG, it’s this; if an item is lying about, it is now yours, no matter where you found it. NPCs and party members never, ever speak up to the contrary, except for this single elderly man in Mideel. You can find an Elixir on his bed and claim it as your own, but as soon as you try to leave he straight-up stops you to ask if you took it. You get to keep it regardless of your response, but the simple face that he actually stopped you to ask is just fantastic.
Contrary to his emo look, Cloud is actually a big dork at heart. He’s got his demons and issues, to be sure, but he proves several times over that he’s a big softie. Perhaps one of the best examples of this is in the Northern Cave just before the game’s finale, when the team is preparing to go face off against Sephiroth for the last time. After a bit of a pep talk, Cloud finishes with the unexpected phrase, “Let’s mosey!” Cid berates him for talking like that, but that utterance is really who Cloud is, through and through. What I would give to hear Steve Burton mutter those two words in the climax of Final Fantasy VII Remake. Please, please make it happen, Square Enix.
What are your favorite funny or unexpected moments from Final Fantasy VII that you desperately hope to see in the Remake? Let us know in the comments!