By and large, Pokémon are inspired by real, actual animals that exist in our world. You’ve got your fire horses with Ponyta and Rapidash, bugs like Vespiquen and Wurmple, and aquatic life including Seaking and Sharpedo. Additionally, there are many that took a bit more creativity such as the Abra family or Mew and Mewtwo. They’re not obviously inspired by specific creatures, but they still look like they could be.
However, there are 721 Pokémon in total at the time of this writing. With such a massive cast of original creations, there are bound to be at least a handful that lack the charm and creativity present in so many others. The Pokémon included in this list – while they may have their own legitimate merits in-game – look like the designers closed their eyes and wandered around their houses until they tripped on something. Once they did they decided to slap a face on it and put it in the game.
Rocks
Lots of people make fun of newer Pokémon for being outlandish and silly, like those based on ice cream or trash (stay tuned for more on those), but those people never seem to remember there were several monsters from the very first generation that were essentially just rocks. Big rocks, little rocks, piles of rocks mashed together, rocks with arms, rocks stacked to look like a snake – you get the picture. Sure, Geodude and Onix are iconic and beloved as Brock’s faithful companions, but that doesn’t change the fact that at their core they’re just rocks.
Magnets
You’d be forgiven for thinking Magnemite was just a pile of spare parts and a couple magnets, because that’s exactly what it is. It’s just a metal ball with some screws sticking out and a magnet super-glued onto each side. And Magneton? Let’s not kid ourselves. Magneton is literally just three BFF Magnemites who are always hanging out, which equates to more screws and magnets at the end of the day.
Eggs
When you leave two compatible Pokémon at the Day Care Center, eventually they’ll mate and you’ll be rewarded with an egg. Imagine if you will, what happens when you leave two Exeggutors together. As per usual, you’ll come back and find an egg with a young creature waiting to hatch. Lo and behold, the day finally arrives and your egg hatches into… six… more… eggs. But these eggs have eyes and mouths? Well okay then. That’s not strange at all, no siree.
Tree
Sudowoodo is a bit different from most other entries on this list. Geodude is a Rock Pokémon. Magnemite is a Magnet Pokémon. Sudowoodo is an… Imitation Pokémon? That’s because even though it looks like a tree, it’s actually much more like a rock in composition. It is also weak to water, unlike actual trees which need water to live. Taking all this into account, however, Sudowoodo still looks like someone drew a tree, slapped some eyes on it, and sent it to the printers.
The Alphabet
Not much is known about Unown, except that they were used in ancient Pokémon times as a form of hieroglyphics. There are 28 forms of Unown in total; 26 represent the 26 letters of the alphabet, with two extras added for a question mark and exclamation point. There’s just one thing that doesn’t make sense about this: why? Pokémon are creatures, not letters. They’re used for deciding which 10-year old kid should rule over all other 10-year old kids, not spelling and grammar. Unown have been around as early as Gen 2, but their appearance just screams “bottom of the barrel.”
Wind Chime
When you hear the words “wind chime” you might think of a brisk autumn morning and the melodious harmony to be heard as a light breeze clangs a few hollow tubes together. What you probably don’t think of is a strangely adorable creature whose cries emit ultrasonic waves that are capable of tossing you to the ground. Chimecho is yet another Pokémon that doesn’t resemble any kind of pre-existing animal or living being, but instead is based off a traditional Japanese wind chime. Of course it’s not the only Pokémon inspired by a ring-dingy noise-maker…
Bell
Chingling is just a lone, boring Christmas bell. You may as well string a bundle of them together and hang them on your door to give a merry little jingle whenever the door is opened. It is literally a “Bell Pokémon” because apparently ever since “Magnet Pokémon” were a thing, nothing is too outlandish or absurd. Nothing at all…
Garbage
That’s right, Trubbish and Garbodor are literally mutated trash. According to Bulbapedia, Trubbish “was created when a mixture of domestic and industrial waste underwent a chemical reaction of some sort.” Basically, it’s like Bruce Banner decided to test the gamma radiation on a week’s worth of garbage instead of himself and instead of turning into an enraged green monster it turned into a disgusting, poisonous monster that evolves into a bigger, grosser poisonous monster in time.
Ice Cream
“Why stop at rubbish and rocks? Let’s just go crazy and turn a delicious treat into a cute, flurry-inducing creature that you can’t eat!” I have to imagine that’s a quote from some corporate mastermind at The Pokémon Company’s think tank, because surely there’s nobody else who would ever imagine vanilla ice cream (or any flavor of ice cream, for that matter) could fill in not one, not two, but three entire slots on the Gen 5 Pokémon roster.
Cogs/Gears
These guys had to be inspired by the beloved Gen 1 creatures, Magnet and Cluster-of-Magnets. Here we are presented with Cogs, More Cogs, and the final evolution, Cluster-of-Cogs! To be fair, they do actually physically change with each evolution, instead of just grouping multiple Klinks together to make Klinklang (like Magnemite and Magneton), but they’re still a strange trio or creations. Unlike Trubbish there was no chemical reaction to bring sentience to these gears. They allegedly “suddenly appeared” in a cave about a century ago, with no further explanation to where they came from. They were probably hiding in our watches and clocks before then.
Candle
Litwick and its evolutions are a bit different than other groups of Pokémon on this list. Vanillite and its later forms are all ice cream. Klink and company are all cogs and gears. These three, however, change into new (but no less boring) items with each form. First up is Litwick, also known as the candle with a face. One would assume that Litwick’s lifespan would be limited to the amount of time it takes its waxy body to burn up and melt, but apparently that’s not the case. With enough training, the candle evolves into an oil lamp. That… kind of makes sense?
Oil Lamp
Lampent may be useful for lighting the way through dark alleys or caverns, but there are any number of other Pokémon who can do the same thing. Or you could use, I don’t know, an actual lamp? Personally, I’m not sure I would want to even get close to a creature who fuels its flame with the spirits of dying people.
Chandelier
First there was Litwick the candle, then Lampent the Oil Lamp. Of course the only logical jump from there is Chandlure the chandelier, right? Nothing is quite as intimidating on the battlefield as a classy, elegant ceiling fixture. Okay, so Chadelure has a bit more gothic look to it than traditional chandeliers, but that doesn’t make the concept any less bizarre.
Sword
Okay, so a sword isn’t exactly a boring everyday object, but Honedge is still a pretty strange creature. Pokémon have their own unique abilities and characteristics to protect them in battle, but somehow it would feel unfair to pit a living sword (and shield when it’s fully evolved) up against a plant like Bellsprout or a ball of fluff like Jigglypuff. Swords are weapons, and should be treated as such. Not living, breathing monsters that can be befriended.
Keychain
Klefki is literally a keychain. Let that sink in for a moment. Klefki. Is. A. Keychain. I think I’ve said all I need to say here.
Published: Feb 9, 2016 06:08 pm