The Terrifying Future of Space Makeup, According to Mass Effect Andromeda

Mass Effect Andromeda’s character creator isn’t the most thorough customization tool, but if there’s one thing to be learned from its narrow assortment of facial features, it’s that the human race is doomed in the makeup department.

Andromeda drops you in the year 2819, the leading pioneer of our species. At this point, mankind has had over 800 years to perfect the art of trendy face-painting. Instead, they did this:

In the future, it’s cool to cover yourself in fading neon green pixels, as if your face were being actively transported into cyberspace.

Also trendy is the rainbow pixel look, equally suggestive of some sort of violent digitization, but now in a Spring pallet.

Also in the Spring pallet, this.

And this, a sequence of colors and patterns I should never be allowed to make in a video game.

The seafoam green eyelid Doritos make this an elegant look for weddings or bat mitzvahs.

For a more casual day look, I guess you do this.

And finally, the most assuring of mankind’s evolution is this retro throwback to the deadly diseases that ravaged Dark Ages Europe.

I don’t think mankind is doing so great in 800 years, guys.