Video games are cathartic in many ways, creating many different gameplay elements that satisfy specific interests for everyone. While a lot of gamers relieve stress by taking out their anger on A.I, or even competitors, just as many enjoy gathering collectibles in-game to relax.
Alongside the satisfaction of finding an item, collectibles can be rewarding. That reward could be anything from an aesthetic bonus to content that genuinely adds to a game and its overall appeal.
Let’s face it though, collectibles are usually tacked on as a way to make an empty world feel larger or simply lengthen a game’s runtime. As such, a lot of these extra additives end up being pretty lame.
From pigeons to model ships, here is a list of the ten lamest video game collectibles of all-time.
Lamest Video Game Collectibles of All Time
Stones of Barenziah in Skyrim
Diamonds are a Dragonborn’s best friend, as these stones sell for a pretty penny throughout the lands of Skyrim. Even the greediest of adventurers would admit that the cost of finding the twenty-four stones that were stolen from the crown of Queen Barenziah was not worth the price.
This collectible exists in Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim as part of a side quest known as No Stone Unturned. The Stones of Barenziah are hidden all throughout the game’s world, featuring no hints or quest guideline in order to find them.
As a result, finding all 24 stones is a chore, one that features no fun story along the journey. And what’s extra annoying is that they sit in your inventory forever until you turn them in.
That is all well and good if there is an actual interesting end to the quest. Unfortunately, the mission’s resolution simply sees the crown restored for the Thieves Guild, meaning all of your hard work just gathers dust in the Guild.
Lamest Video Game Collectibles of All Time
Ship Models in Mass Effect
If there is one thing that is missing from video games it’s collecting model vehicles. Worry no longer collectors, as the Mass Effect series makes this enthusiasts’ hobby apart of the series.
Take time out of saving the galaxy to go to shops and random areas to find these ships, placing them in your bedroom for all of your squadmates to see. If you are expecting these items to do anything more than sit on a shelf though, you are out of luck.
Models don’t let you change the ship you’re on or give you experience, they just go on a shelf once purchased. Thus, the only real collectible in the series adds nothing of note to it.
Lamest Video Game Collectibles of All Time
Pigeons in GTA IV
Eradicating rats with wings, better known as pigeons, is a noble cause especially when you can blow them up with a rocket launcher. Shooting these birds in GTA IV is one of the many collectibles hidden throughout the game, but is easily the lamest.
Just like the Stones of Barenziah, none of the birds are marked on the map or trackable. So instead of following a quest line, GTA IV makes it so that Niko Bellic must be a pigeon hunting private eye, finding them via sheer luck.
There are 200 of these flying rats to find and kill, meaning that even if you use a guide, it’ll be almost impossible to remember if you killed a specific pigeon already.
If you do manage to track it accordingly, your reward will be a small contribution towards 100% Completion and some histoplasmosis.
Lamest Video Game Collectibles of All Time
Riddler Trophies in Arkham City
As far as collectibles go, the Riddler Trophies are a creative way to add to the backstory of one of Batman’s most intriguing villains. At least, they are in Arkham Asylum.
While Arkham City once again brought back these trophies, as well as the puzzle and interesting voice overs that accompanied them, the quality of the quest line tainted the collectibles. Many challenges heavily relied on using the awkwardly controlled Batarang or other boring gameplay elements.
The biggest issue though is in order to defeat the Riddler in a final confrontation, players must complete every single one of the challenges and trophies. In past titles in the franchise, you had to collect a lot, sure, but not every single one.
The lack of quality and the sheer quantity hidden behind a game lengthening decision made these collectibles one of the most annoying of all-time.
Lamest Video Game Collectibles of All Time
Flags in Assassin’s Creed
It’s interesting to look back on the first installment in the Assassin’s Creed franchise especially in comparison to recent games. While its setting and gameplay were unique and historically significant, most of it doesn’t really hold up, including collectibles.
Of all the collectibles that can be found in the first Assassin’s Creed, the flags are by far the most unsatisfying. They offer no story significance and are a pain to get.
All 100 of them are spread throughout four different Kingdoms, meaning you’ll have to travel across many open areas of nothingness to even get a chance at grabbing them.
Some of these banners are located in interesting spots, but overall have no real reason for being there.
The most insulting part? Your reward for collecting them literally nothing, because apparently, not everything needs a reward.
Lamest Video Game Collectibles of All Time
Light Seeds in Prince of Persia
Alongside working as a collectible in the 2008 Prince of Persia reboot, light seeds were the basis for progression throughout the game.
In order to acquire the necessary skills for improved combat and traversal, players need to collect at least 540 of these blue balls of light by the end of the game.
That in and of itself isn’t a huge problem, as this collect and upgrade method has been a staple of platforming games for a while now. The frustrating part is that you don’t get the true ending of the game if you decide not to collect all 1001 seeds.
To make matters worse, there is a bug in this Prince of Persia title many people run into that prevents them from collecting every piece. This glitch makes it so that the counter is stuck at 999 seeds, even if you collected all of them.
So alongside hiding the true ending in order to artificially lengthen the game, a common glitch that can’t be fixed leaves many unable to get the finale even if they did put the time in.
Lamest Video Game Collectibles of All Time
The Iris Treasures in Lufia II: Rise of the Sinistrals
A core value that comes alongside most RPG games is that you tend to collect everything that you see. Even if an item isn’t going to be powerful, there is at least likely some use or meaning for collecting it.
Many players that got Lufia II: Rise of the Sinistrals carried the same mindset, especially since guides and tips weren’t as readily available back in the SNES days as they are now.
So when they found items known as the iris treasures, many believed collecting them all would merit a big reward.
The only thing they received was a disappointment though, as completing one of the most difficult achievements in any RPG simply gets you a “pat yourself on the back.” If only that was a valid method of currency.
Lamest Video Game Collectibles of All Time
Random Loot in Thief
As a concept, Thief is simple but awesome. Making a game about a master thief that chooses to stick to the shadows instead of starting a fight was a novel concept at a time where every game was an action romp or shooter.
The execution of the series’ gameplay and story are flawed though, as traversal is boring and nothing of note happens throughout the plot. These bland benchmarks are personified in the 2014 reboot by the in-game collectible random loot.
Like a lot of items on this list, random loot adds nothing of value to the story, setting, or characters that make up Thief. In reality, it’s something that was added to the game so that it wasn’t even more empty.
Instead of allowing players to sell the loot in exchange for weapons, skills, or anything to mark progression, random loot was just there, taking up space in Garrett’s pouch.
Lamest Video Game Collectibles of All Time
Hidden Bags in Mirror’s Edge
The most appealing part about Mirror’s Edge is the speed and fluidity of its parkour. Running across the cityscape as Faith is a surreal experience, encapsulating what it is like to speedrun a game perfectly.
That is why it’s really baffling that EA DICE shoehorns a collectible into Mirror’s Edge. In this game about how you should never stop moving, 30 bags are placed throughout, hidden obscurely throughout the levels.
These detours would be tolerable if they added anything to the game. Unfortunately, they don’t, only serving only to interrupt the flow of things and stifle the ability to constantly yell out “Parkour!” as you swing and wall jump throughout the city.
Lamest Video Game Collectibles of All Time
Mementos in Call of Duty: WWII
If you take anything away from this article, it’s that collectibles tend to work the best when there is a reward in place for going out of your way to get them.
Doing so provides a sense of validation for hard your work, even if it is something as simple as an aesthetic change.
Call of Duty: WWII’s mementos fails to reward players with anything other than an item that was made solely for the purpose of marking the fact that it was found in-game.
These mementos feel too artificial especially in comparison to the effort that was put into collectibles in the previous Call of Duty games, like Intel in Modern Warfare.
Gone are the days where grabbing 15 items meant that you’ll be able to turn every enemy you kill into a tire. Now, you’ll find a knife on a specific level and can look at a render of that knife in a loading menu. Very thrilling.
Memorabilia might be a novel way of remembering things for real soldiers, but not in video games.
Published: Jan 9, 2019 02:15 pm