There are two types of people in this world: the gamers and the non-gamers. Sure, there are subcategories and whatnot peppered in amongst these definitions, but right there in the middle – a divide as cavernous as the Grand Canyon. To the gamers, those who don’t play video games are either unenlightened, or elitists, who consider themselves above such frivolity. To the non-gamers, people who play video games are typically sweaty nerds who dwell in their parents’ basement, only emerging occasionally to retrieve snacks and energy drinks. This is obviously a gross generalization, particularly since basements don’t provide the kind of lighting necessary for proper gaming sessions. That’s just simple science.
The most fearsome weapons in the non-gamer arsenal, however, are the questions. Those pesky, ignorant, soul-crushing inquiries that make you stifle a groan. If you’ve heard any of these before, we assure you that the best course of action is simply to politely placate them. Engaging in fisticuffs rarely ends well (sorry, Nana).
“Aren’t you too old to be playing games?”
Ah yes, everyone’s favorite familiar, censorious go-to quiz. To the non-gamer, video games are puerile toys made for children. Grown men and women shouldn’t be divulging in such tripe, when there are much more mature leisure activities to be pursued (like TV, alcohol and pornography).
The simple truth of the matter is that gaming has grown into a pillar of the entertainment industry, rapidly catching ground on the mainstays of movies and television at an alarming rate. It has become a staple of the living room, and even people who don’t have much time for it may still have some form of console lurking around, often an impulse buy in the same vein as a smartphone or an expensive sound system.
Some video games possess storytelling so complex, they are on par with the best-written novels, albeit in an interactive medium that really connects the player with the characters. The avatar before them isn’t just a piece of fiction, they’re a representation of the user’s interaction with the world. It’s tangible. It’s impactful. It’s visceral.
“How can you afford to be wasting all your money on that?”
Leading people down into your lair can be a harrowing experience if the reactions garnered aren’t exactly what you were looking for. Though some may be wildly impressed by your Resident Evil 7 Collector’s Edition, complete with spooky house music box and severed finger USB drive, others will give you a bemused look, laced with concern. How can you justify such expenditure, exactly? Suddenly, your finger USB looks smaller, somehow. Shriveled. You’ll probably think twice about showing it off again.
Admittedly, gaming can be an expensive hobby. Retail games typically range from $50 to $60 – twice as much if you’re Australian, in fact – and often need to be supplemented by extra costs such as DLC, additional accessories and occasionally even severed finger USB drives. You have to pay to play online, there are always expansions on the horizon, and even the humblest game can really begin to lighten your wallet if you let it.
The counterpoint to all of this, of course, is that most hobbies in the modern world are expensive. Sports equipment can set you back thousands of dollars, and kitchen utensils come at a steep cost if you want a quality product. Alternatively, you could buy second-hand copies of Madden 18 and Cooking Mama for a fraction of the cost! It’s shrewd business, really.
“Haven’t you noticed that every game is the exact same?”
There is a bit of credence to this one, at least on the surface. Have you ever tried to count how many versions of Call of Duty exist? Experts estimate the number ranges somewhere in the thousands, but none have lived long enough to actually count. A layman – particularly a petty one who wants to ruin your day – could surmise that every game on the market is just about shooting anything that crosses your path.
But that does a disservice to the multitude of unique games that are out there, whether it’s the morality and time traveling elements of Life is Strange, the frantic teamwork and hilarity of Overcooked, or the repugnant dreadfulness of Vroom in the Night Sky.
The gaming industry suffers from a degree of sequel-itis and ‘me too’ copycat clones, but it is no more guilty of this than Hollywood. The Fast and the Furious franchise has spawned no less than ten films, and there doesn’t appear to be any end in sight. Honestly, for a group of people purported to be ‘fast’, they seem to enjoy dragging their story out as agonizingly long as possible.
“Don’t you know that games are bad for you?”
Apparently science has revealed that video games possess dangerous levels of toxicity that will melt your brain, just in case you didn’t know. You might not be aware of this, actually, because if you’re reading this, you probably play video games and it’s already too late. Words make head hurt!
Harkening to the aforementioned ‘video games are for kids’ statement, the notion that the industry is filled with slop that creates slow-witted zombies is a typical rallying cry for anti-gamers. They’ll quickly flock to the studies that show a correlation between violent video games and aggressive behavior, as though banning games will simply erase all bloodthirsty tendencies in troubled youths. If you’re after facts, studies have also shown that video games boost reading skills in children with dyslexia, lead to higher intellectual scores and can even increase levels of empathy. But often, people will only listen to the studies that support their argument. Alas.
Ultimately, gaming is like any other activity – something to be taken in moderation. Playing Grand Theft Auto for ten hours straight definitely isn’t a healthy choice, but neither is drinking water non-stop for that same length of time. Seriously, don’t try it, your bladder will never forgive you.
“Can you play Mario on the PlayStation?”
No, you can’t. You never could. You never will.
Some will push the matter further, convinced that they saw ‘some YouTuber playing Mario Kart with a PlayStation controller’, with the smug expectation that your mind will be blown. Because after all, you don’t know anything about what a ‘Nintendo IP’ is, and maybe every now and then they would lend their most valuable character to their biggest rival? Indeed, Googling the phrase ‘Mario on the PlayStation’ yields as its top result, a popular Target search for ‘PS4 Mario Bros’. In all fairness, maybe these people were simply looking for an equivalent, rather than the actual game itself. Unfortunately, Target is just as bewildered as they are, offering such helpful examples as Injustice 2 and Mortal Kombat X.
The opposing argument of ‘Nintendo games are only on Nintendo consoles’ is unfortunately made a little bit cloudier by Mario’s occasional dalliances on the PC or Atari back in the day. If they’ve really done their research, and unleash the dreaded ‘but what about Hotel Mario?’ upon you, it’s best not to engage with the matter any further, because it’ll likely devolve into declarations that ‘it really could happen, then’. If it ever gets that far, now is the time to ask yourself… why are you friends with this person to begin with?
Published: Dec 29, 2017 01:01 pm