A sanguine philosopher once opined that “Pokemon do bad things because master bad. Pokemon not bad.”
His name was Ekans (in his later years he went by Arbok), and though the sentiment is an admirable one, it is patently untrue; the Pokemon universe is absolutely riddled with creatures great and small that could be generously described as a bunch of jerks.
As we progress deeper into the wicked month of October, we now turn our attention towards the top 10 most evil Pokemon of them all. Don’t trust them with your children, your wallet, or your tax return. Particularly that last one, because nobody likes an audit, after all.
This article will contain occasional spoilers for the mainline games, as well as some of the spinoff titles. As if you care about the plot in a Pokemon game.
Top 10 Most Evil Pokemon
Malamar
In our ranking of the creepiest Pokemon, the Ghost-Type inevitably reigned supreme, and odds are that Dark-Type ‘mons will feature prominently in this edition. Maybe we can finish it off with a list of the top 10 coldest Pokemon so the undervalued Ice-Type finally gets its day in the sun? Not literally, of course, as they’d likely melt.
Malamar has perhaps the most interesting evolutionary method, requiring you to turn your system upside down when an Inkay reaches level 30. Hopefully Nintendo will continue with portable hardware moving forward, for the sake of our poor wrists.
It is a natural hypnotist, purportedly possessing ‘the most compelling hypnotic powers of any Pokemon’. It typically uses this ability to make others do its bidding, and as such, it is popular among criminals and politicians.
Should it have a hankering for a tasty snack, it will lure prey in with a transfixing wiggle before ensnaring them in its tentacles and smothering them in digestive fluids. It’s like the Pokemon version of the mythical siren, and it wants to spew its Spaghetti-O’s all over your new Italian loafers. Avoid!!
Top 10 Most Evil Pokemon
Giratina
Not much is known about the mysterious Giratina, beyond its penchant for creepily leering at us from an alternate dimension and the fact that it was banished for violence. In a world as hectic as Pokemon’s, if you somehow manage to be enough of a menace to get yourself banished to another dimension (by Arceus, no less, who is basically God), you know you done messed up, son.
The nature of this violence is unclear, though judging by the fact that it knows techniques like Shadow Sneak and the barrier-infiltrating Shadow Force, we can only assume that it has something to do with mugging people from shadowy places. Or maybe that weird kancho thing where you poke someone in the butt.
In Pokemon Platinum, it sucks victims into the Distortion World, trapping them in an existential abyss. It primarily does this for completely legitimate reasons, but despite this, we can’t help but think that there would be a simpler way to solve its issues. Whenever you’re having a dispute, do you just go straight to inter-dimensional abduction? It’s kind of a worst-case scenario, really.
Top 10 Most Evil Pokemon
Gourgeist
Pokemon have a tendency to be pretty ruthless in the interest of self-preservation. Giratina’s trying to maintain its precious little dimension, for example, while Malamar just likes a nosh every now and then. Gourgeist, on the other hand, is only interested in seeing you suffer, and it enjoys this process immensely. It’s like a Roman Polanski film, but with ghost pumpkins.
The Pokedex observes that “singing in eerie voices, they wander town streets on the night of the new moon. Anyone who hears their song is cursed”, and worse still, “it enwraps its prey in its hairlike arms. It sings joyfully as it observes the suffering of its prey”.
That’s some sick stuff right there. Gourgeist doesn’t want to eat you, doesn’t want to repel you, doesn’t even want to drag you into the afterlife. It wants to torture you with its nasty little ditties, and even if it doesn’t kill you, you’re at least branded with a curse. It’s similar to being forced to listen to Kesha, except not quite as bad.
Top 10 Most Evil Pokemon
Duskull
“It loves the crying of children.”
Let’s just sit on that and ruminate for a moment. When has that ever been used to describe someone, and they’ve turned out to be pretty decent when you give them a chance? Nope, old Duskull here just likes to pop its head out and go boo, simply to get a cheap thrill.
Beyond that, it also fancies stalking its prey until the break of dawn, and stories are told that it will snatch up naughty children and whisk them away to places unknown. Frankly, absconding seems to be running rampant in the Pokemon world, and it’s a pretty big indictment on the efforts of law enforcement.
It improves its behavior when it evolves into Dusclops, instead only absorbing the souls of people foolhardy enough to look into its hollow body, and later on as a Dusknoir, it escorts lost spirits home. Duskull really mellows out as it gets older. It probably also rocks a bucket hat.
Top 10 Most Evil Pokemon
Yveltal
We all know the legend of the phoenix, wherein upon its dying breaths, it bursts into flame before being born again. Yveltal has kinda got the same deal going on, except it siphons a little bit of your mojo in the process. According to Pokemon Y, “when its life comes to an end, it absorbs the life energy of every living thing and turns into a cocoon once more”. Sure, that’s more selfish than outright evil, but it’s not going to help if you were having a really crappy day at the time. Imagine if you had just dropped your ice cream right when Yveltal was about to cark it.
But our dude Velty doesn’t stop there, no sir. If you send it over to Pokemon X, a little more of its lore is unravelled, stating that “when this legendary Pokemon’s wings and tail feathers spread wide and glow red, it absorbs the life force of living creatures”.
Suddenly, things take on a different context. Yveltal dead? Suck some life force. Yveltal feeling pretty? Suck some life force. By the time Pokemon Hash and Pokemon Tag drop (tentative titles, very trendy), Yveltal will be snorting that life force whenever it sees a blue car. We’ve not long for this world.
Top 10 Most Evil Pokemon
Froslass
We’ve already established that Glalie enjoys leisurely devouring icy snacks of delicious human flesh. Should you opt for the other option, however, you’re not really that much better off. For starters, Froslass comes into existence when you expose a female Snorunt to the Dawn Stone, gaining the secondary Ghost-Type in the process. Fundamentally, you melted your precious little Petunia, and now she’s dead and feeling a bit frisky.
Any of the latest Pokedex entries are loaded with disturbing nuggets of wisdom. Froslass is supposedly “the soul of a woman lost on a snowy mountain” who “possessed an icicle”. “It freezes hikers who have come to climb snowy mountains and carries them back to its home. It only goes after men it thinks are handsome”. There, they “become decorations”, and “the food it most relishes is the souls of men”. This is “really creepy”, Froslass, and “definitely not acceptable workplace behavior.”
Ultra Moon even gives you a warning; “it’s said that on nights of terrible blizzards, it comes down to human settlements. If you hear it knocking at your door, do not open it!”
But hey, I’m sure that keeping it enslaved in a three inch ball will be okay.
Top 10 Most Evil Pokemon
Persian
Many look to Meowth as being the quintessential evil Pokemon due to its role in the anime. In actuality, they are a fairly harmless species, preferring to focus their attention on shiny things rather than trying to disembowel you.
When they evolve into Persian however, things begin to turn abominable. The garden variety version has a nasty temper, and will lash out for the most minor of injustices. In Sun, it is noted that “it has a violent temperament. It will attack anything that looks it in the eye. Its sharp claws inflict deep wounds”. Truth be told, getting scratched by a house cat stings, imagine if it was three feet tall and weighed over 70 pounds?
Alolan Persian are crueler still. As observed in Ultra Sun, “in contrast to its lovely face, it’s so brutal that it tortures its weakened prey rather than finishing them off.”
Is lovely really an adjective that would be used in an official zoological encyclopaedia? The Professor must have been having an off day.
Top 10 Most Evil Pokemon
Ninetales
Few would consider Ninetales to be particularly wicked. It’s not exactly going to be twirling its moustache and cackling while it watches a helpless maiden tied to a railroad track, but it’s got a few little quirks to it that suggest it’s probably not quite benevolent. And yes, I clearly need to update my villain stereotypes.
An easy clue is its vindictive nature. From the very first Pokedex entries of Red and Blue, it was described as “very smart and very vengeful. Grabbing one of its many tails could result in a 1000-year curse”. That sounds a bit excessive, and it’s especially misleading that in Pokemon-Amie, Ninetales seemed to really, really enjoy it when you pulled on its tail.
Further, Ninetales possesses a rather troubling repertoire of techniques, from the eerie Confuse Ray and Hypnosis to Dark-Type staples like Feint Attack and Dark Pulse. It can even learn Dream Eater, and we all know that the dreams of children are the sweetest of them all. Overall, Ninetales teeters precariously on the edge between good and evil, like a professional wrestler who you’re just waiting to make a sudden heel turn, by gawd.
Top 10 Most Evil Pokemon
Darkrai
Throughout its main series history, Darkrai appears to have been largely absolved of blame. Its ability to plague its foes with nightmares is dismissed as being a territorial thing, and some Pokedex entries go so far as to declare that “it means no harm”.
But we here at Twinfinite are willing to dig a little deeper in the interest of getting enough good dirt, and Darkrai’s bedsheets are just as filthy as anyone else’s. Is that an actual analogy? If not, it totally is now and I encourage everyone to use it whenever applicable.
In the spinoff series, Darkrai is frequently rearing its ugly (and oddly small) head as an antagonist. Take Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness/Ixalan, where Darkrai is revealed to be the malefactor that caused you to be transformed into a Pokemon in the first place. It seeks to blanket the world in eternal darkness, which is fairly appropriate for a creature that is effectively a scary cloud. It is also the final boss in Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia, and plays the role of the greedy industrialist in PokePark 2: Wonders Beyond, intending to merge the Wish Park with PokePark.
“It means no harm”? Well damn, man. I’d hate to see Darkrai if it was actually trying to be a miscreant, then.
Top 10 Most Evil Pokemon
Nihilego
Many times in the Pokemon franchise, otherwise innocent Pokemon are used to progress the villains’ agenda. Groudon and Kyogre were summoned in Ruby/Sapphire to change the planet’s landscape, Kyurem was employed to freeze large portions of the world, and even Blue mistreated his team, with Professor Oak declaring that “without them, you will never become a champ again!”
…Are they dead? Does Professor Oak snatch them up himself? Why is this so explicitly stated, when Blue is reinstated as the league Champion immediately afterwards? Again, this is why you don’t play Pokemon games for the plot.
Nihilego is unique, however, in how it flips the script, with Lusamine acting as the puppet in the Ultra Beast’s efforts to find a suitable host to leech off. Arguably, this makes it the most evil Pokemon in series history (short of Whitney’s Miltank), which is mildly underwhelming, when you think about it. In a franchise filled with enormous dragons, fearsome specters and at least five variations of angry rock, a silly jellyfish is the biggest bad of them all?
If anyone ever asks, just say Guzzlord instead to spare yourself the embarrassment. After all, nobody has ever seen it poop, so you know it has something to hide.
