Pokemon Sleep Gave Me a Shiny I’ll Never Be Able to Catch & I’m Dead Inside

I’m neither the most talented nor the luckiest shiny hunter when it comes to collecting these in-game rarities, but I’ve always enjoyed the unique color palettes of shiny Pokémon and how badass or horrifying they can make a beloved species look. Because of this, I was naturally excited to see that shiny Pokémon were included within Pokémon Sleep, knowing that there was a slim chance one may someday appear during my slumber.

The shiny odds in Pokémon Sleep are lower than the mainline games, much like Pokémon GO. However, If my Pokémon GO days were any indicator, I knew not to expect anything, and to presume that I wouldn’t come across one of those sparkly critters for a very long time, possibly for as long as I manage to hold interest in the game.

What I didn’t expect, however, was for a shiny Pokémon to be handed to me on a silver platter on the first day of my second week playing Pokémon Sleep. Unfortunately, this is not a tale of success, but instead a rather twisted, painful joke for my hopeful inner child who adores collecting Shiny mons’.

You see, the shiny I received in Pokémon Sleep was none other than my Week 2 Snorlax. To anyone familiar with the game, you may have now realized why this is such a travesty. To anyone else who’s still a bit lost, Snorlax is the only creature in the game that is non-catchable. Instead, the weekly Snorlax you receive parts ways with you at the end of the week, only for you to receive a new one. This meant that I had to suffer through feeding and powering up this big sparkly boi through my sleep research, knowing that I’d never be able to add him to my collection. It’s safe to say, by the end of the week I was dead inside.

The worst part about this whole ordeal is that I was three days into my weekly sleep research when I finally noticed the large drowsy guy was of the shiny coloration. You see, Snorlax has one of those shinies that are very similar to the original color palette, meaning it’s easy to miss at first glance – especially when you’re a heathen who generally keeps your phone screen on a lower brightness such as myself.

Upon the realization, I was extremely surprised and overjoyed that I’d found a shiny one so soon – my luck rarely goes this way. It wasn’t until a good 30 seconds later that this small burst of joy came crashing down, exploding into disbelief, and then rage that would give Red Gyarados a run for its money….and finally, disappointment. As it turns out, my luck with shiny Pokémon has remained the same, with Pokémon Sleep playing a cruel, heartless joke on me.

As much as I wanted to just throw away my whole week of research and pretend none of this ever happened, I decided to just enjoy the presence of this sparkling rarity for the week he would be present in my game. I fed the hell out of that thing, hell, I’m pretty sure this pixel on a screen consumed more meals in total than I did myself over that week. But hey, if I was going to be letting this lad wander back into the wilderness come Monday, then I would be sending him home with a full belly.

After a long week of conflicted emotions and inner turmoil, Monday finally rolled around, I received my weekly rewards, and it was time to part ways with the shiny Snorlax. Snorlax, I’m not sure if I hate you, or I love you. However, one thing is certain – I’ll never forget you, you son of bitch. May you live a long life out there in the wilderness, snacking on all of the berries your heart desires.