Press F to Fake Emotion (Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare)
Call of Duty sometimes gets a little too much shit thrown its way. To be fair, sometimes they do it to themselves, such as the now greatly mocked “Press F to pay respects” moment in the story mode of Advanced Warfare. Gaming has gone through nearly 10 generations and nearly 30 years of changes to gameplay and graphics. It’s gotten to the point where developers can tell genuine stories with realistic looking people… and then there’s Call of Duty, trying to make you feel emotion in a way that’s so clumsily done that it belongs in a PS2-era title. Watch_Dogs had a similar moment as well, where you start a mission literally at the grave of your dead niece. It’s about as emotionally moving as being blindfolded during a staring contest.
Flappy Turd
Gaming this past year had a bit of a resurgence with its retro roots, what with the Shovel Knights and the Minecraft getting released on Sony systems now. But there was also a rather infamous retro-looking game, and that’s Flappy Bird, a game where literally the entire objective is just to get the bird through the pipes. It’s as simple as game mechanics can get, really. Things changed when in early February, creator Dong Nguyen revealed that the game was gonna be yanked from the App Store and Google Play. Nguyen’s reasoning? He said, “It’s become an addictive product. I think it’s become a problem.” Wow, people getting addicted to playing a video game, stop the goddamn presses on that one!
The response to the pulling was, well… not good. People sent Nguyen death and murder threats via Twitter, enraged that the game was gone. He was, for his part, just happy to have his conscience cleared. Until about a month later in March when he didn’t rule out Flappy Bird ever coming back. Even better was when he announced that Flappy Bird would return, which it did in August, exclusively through the Amazon App store for the Amazon Fire TV. No word on when the game will return to the App Store and Google Play, or if this was all just some massive publicity stunt done because Amazon wanted it exclusively for them for a while. Whatever the case, this whole thing has left a bad mark on Nguyen and the Flappy Bird name. Alongside the billions of bastard offspring that spawned while it was gone.
Halo? Hay-No (Halo: Master Chief Collection)
Halo is one of the biggest franchises to date, and the Master Chief Collection for the Xbox One is a good value for anyone who didn’t play the originals when they came out or wanted to snag Halo 2 Anniversary. Even better was the addition of the currently running multiplayer beta for Halo 5: Guardians. How could that go wrong?
Turns out, a lot could go wrong. There were bugs, there were patches. There were many apologies. And then there was a re-release of Halo 3: ODST, one of the less appreciated games in the series. While there was no doubt that 343 was going to have to give players something as compensation, but given what 343 said earlier about it “certainly not being in our development timeline,” it raises suspicion.
Amiibo, Where Did You Go?
Skylanders by itself sells like free ice cream sprinkled with crack. Disney Infinity is like that, but with a little less crack. Someone was gonna have to get in on Activision and Disney’s pie sooner or later, and who better than Nintendo? Amiibos have taken the world by storm, particulalry with people who’ve grown up on the Big N. The only problem is that some of them have been discontinued, with Nintendo’s only assurance being that “certain sold-out ones may return at a later date” and that they had plans for Amiibo cards to replace unavailable figurines. People are justifiably upset, and having this happen so close to Christmas isn’t helping matters at all. One has to wonder why Nintendo bothered releasing the things at all when they were in short supply and don’t seem to have a full game plan for compensating for those no longer available.
MASSIVE STORY SPOILERS. DON’T READ UNLESS YOU’VE PLAYED DRAGON AGE: INQUISITION!
In Hushed Whispers (Dragon Age: Inquisition)
Again, spoilers on this page. Unless you’ve played Dragon Age: Inquisition, don’t read this. Seriously man.
Every Bioware game has that one mission that completely wrecks your emotions. For Mass Effect, it’s Virmire. Dragon Age Origins has you learning about Morrigan and Flemeth’s relationship and just how ultimately fucked up that thing is. For Inquisition, it’s “In Hushed Whispers.” The setup is simple–you’re going to Venatori cultist Gereon Alexius’ castle in Redcliffe at his request. It’s obviously a trap, so you, Dorian, and your other two party members head to the castle with Leliana and her agents. It feels like an easy mission that can be over in five minutes, right? Wrong.
Alexius uses an amulet, and Dorian counters its effects with a spell of his own. The Herald and Dorian continue through the now Red Lyrium-infected castle and learn that they’ve been sent one year in the future. The Empress of Orlais has been assassinated, Corypheus the Elder One has a demon army at his command, and Leliana has been tortured during that time. Alexius’ son Felix, who helped you initially before you were sent to the dark future, is killed by Leliana as revenge for her torture. You kill Alexius, but the Elder One is on his way to end you and Dorian. The two of you manage to correct the timeline and stop Alexius from taking over Ferelden, but not before seeing your two party members and Leliana die at the hands of Corypheus’ demons. That mission isn’t just a downer, it’s like coming home on Christmas and learning that your house burned down.
Assassin’s Creed Unity
Ubisoft’s French Revolution murder simulator gets top spot in both our highlights and low points of the year, and for good reason. Next to Assassin’s Creed III, this is a low point for the series. It’s hard not to feel like things were rushed all around the Ubisoft offices and the games they put out this year and that this one was really cut to bits. When looking at the frankly goddamn excessive microtransactions and constant naggings to join the Assassin’s Creed Initiates, annoyance is the running thought.
More than anything, the most damning thing about Unity is that it fails to justify the series coming to next-gen. It has its moments, but when looking at how much it tries to screw over the player both intentionally and unintentionally, the only thing that it justifies is putting the microwave in the disc for five minutes.
Published: Jan 1, 2015 02:54 pm