Clothes MGS V’s Quiet Could’ve Worn and Been Just Fine In

With Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain’s release, the secret on why Quiet is so naked all the time is finally out. Everyone wanted to know why she needed to be wearing a bikini, as a soldier. “What’s the deal with Quiet?” Jerry Seinfeld might ask as part of his stand-up sets. Hideo Kojima swore we would all be big foolish dumb dumbs when we found out what it was.

Spoilers!

She needs to be half-naked in a bikini all the time because she was experimented on and now absorbs light and water through her skin to survive. And yet, with that reason out, one has to wonder who the real big foolish dumb dumb is. As a house plant, there are many ways that Quiet could have dressed and still have been able to breathe.

An Effortless Mesh Top

Mesh tops had to have been big in the 80s. What other time period did they matter in if not the 80s. Look at how many holes she would still have been able to absorb air through. She even already wears mesh leggings (that, for some reason, have big holes in them), so this isn’t a big change in what she’s used to.

A Simple V-Neck

Okay so benefit of the doubt, maybe her chest, where her lungs are located, need to be extra bare. Well, a nice v-neck will do the trick, Quiet.

A Stealthy Turtle Neck

Well, look at this, even with her chest and neck covered, her head is still very much capable of breathing and absorbing. So much surface area.

A (Camouflaged, Maybe) Flapper Girl Dress

If we’re being real, she’s not very well hidden as is. So why not just go crazy with it? Put a feather in your hair and start doing the can-can. There’s a ton of skin for breathing. Make it an elaborate Victorian era dress for all we care, actually.

A Light Cardigan

If the bikini is absolutely necessary, she could have topped it all off with a nice cardigan. Throw it on and you’ll still be able to breathe while not being cold off your ass in the winter. What about a jacket? Jackets work, too. Again, make it camouflage, whatever, go crazy.

Anything, Literally Any Outfit Where Maybe Her Arms Show, Or, Like, Her Shins, Or Her Face, Literally Anything Where She Can Still Breathe

Humans breathe through two tiny nostrils. Why does Quiet need to be half-naked to absorb light and water up the wazoo? That’s just greedy. You’re giving house plants everywhere a bad name.

Oh, Quiet, You’re Such a Dumb Dumb

More Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

• Even Hideo Kojima’s Eyewear Line Gets Credits in Metal Gear Solid V: TPP
• How to Beat Quiet in the Easiest and Most Embarrassing Way
• Here’s a Printable Alternative Metal Gear Solid V Cover With Kojima’s Name ALL Over it
• Kojima’s Name Shows Up in Metal Gear Solid V: TPP Hundreds of Times
• Quiet Gives Snake a Crazy Birthday Surprise in Metal Gear Solid V: TPP