Bubsy: The Woolies Strike Back
WORST GAMES OF Q4 2017
Full disclaimer: the original Bubsy title from 1993 was actually a fair bit of fun. The level design was varied, offering multiple routes and secrets to tackle. The animations were lively, and the limitations of the console hardware made Bubsy’s overbearing personality a lot more tolerable. The issue, it seems, is that Accolade continued to treat the character like an old joke that wasn’t very funny to begin with – elbowing you in the ribs, slapping their knee and guffawing so obnoxiously, people around you have begun to leave the room.
To say that expectations for his revival were low would be an optimistic take on the matter. To be honest, people had no expectations whatsoever, so when it finally happened, it was met with a wave of apathy quite befitting of a generation of millennials that Bubsy had no hope of ever reaching. The game is faithful to its roots, but that leads to it feeling dated, facile and unambitious. It won’t go on in infamy like the vacuous disaster that was Bubsy 3D, instead being quietly shelved and soon forgotten. Feel free to peruse our review if you want to know more.
Hello Neighbor
WORST GAMES OF Q4 2017
The development cycle of Hello Neighbor is a fascinating tale of tragedy, redemption, and notoriety. Initially failing to be funded via its Kickstarter, the developers reached out to the best marketing tool available: internet celebrities. Hooked in by its fascinating premise, charming sense of style and intriguing lore, the title suddenly became an online darling, fast becoming one of the most hotly anticipated indie titles of the year.
Unfortunately, the best intentions cannot mask the faults of a game that simply is not very good. Much like No Man’s Sky last year, Hello Neighbor is in over its head, playing more like a tech demo than a proper release. The AI is sporadic, the design is bewildering, at times bordering on broken, and the payoff doesn’t equate to the amount of effort and frustration you’ll have to invest. To its credit, the game is an admirable triumph of perseverance on the part of Dynamic Pixels, the little Russian studio that could. It’s just not what we were hoping for.
Rugby 18
WORST GAMES OF Q4 2017
In today’s multibillion-dollar industry of sporting sims, it’s easy to take for granted how steep a task it really is to accurately portray some of the world’s most beloved leagues. EA have gotten it down to a fine art, while 2K Games routinely dazzle with their NBA titles. When lesser studios try their hand at it, the results are not quite so pretty. Just ask disenfranchised Aussies who were left feeling underwhelmed by AFL Evolution earlier this year. Read between the lines: it was AwFuL.
A much bigger disaster, however, came in the form of Rugby 18, a game so unambitiously titled, it sounds like an Atari castoff. On the field, it doesn’t fare much better, and can be succinctly described as ‘rucking terrible’. The gameplay is tedious and repetitive, the commentary is woeful, and to be honest, it truly isn’t any fun to play. Be warned, there isn’t a morbid curiosity to be satiated by experiencing this clunker; it feels like a punishment, instead of an amusing sideshow.
Touhou Kobuto V: Burst Battle
WORST GAMES OF Q4 2017
The Touhou series has featured a few fun titles so far, but Burst Battle is most certainly not one of them. Bullet-hell titles can occasionally offer a sort of masochistic satisfaction, but this arena brawler ranges somewhere between grating and infuriating, depending on how willing you are to exploit the AI.
The storyline is tepid, and though the presentation is quite nice, the graphics themselves leave a great deal to be desired. Overall, this game may seem kawaii — that means cute! After just a few minutes, however, you’ll declare it to be dame — that means a travesty upon gaming that will likely provoke you to slam your console against the wall until it is shattered into a million pieces, and then scatter those pieces somewhere in the Saharan desert (it’s a loose translation).
Tokyo Tattoo Girls
WORST GAMES OF Q4 2017
What’s that? You still wanted to get your fill of cute anime girls? Alas, you definitely won’t scratch that itch by playing this abrasively niche strategy game, unless you also happen to like watching paint dry.
Tokyo Tattoo Girls follows a ludicrous story that attempts desperately to shoehorn its tattoo mechanic into its lore, and never progresses beyond a humdrum series of mundane choices and a tale that fails to impress. None of the characters are particularly likable, and some of them are downright bizarre. Overall, there isn’t much to this game – it has very little depth, and what is there isn’t nearly compelling enough to warrant your outlay. There’s likely an audience out there that can see past the simplicity of the base mechanics, and grow engrossed with the customization options, but those people are far and few between. This just doesn’t feel anything like a full retail title… and it’s a little creepy, to boot.
Road Rage
WORST GAMES OF Q4 2017
Somehow, despite all of the misfires in games that focus on motorcycle combat, developers are still convinced that they can make the formula work. Enter Road Rage, a title that is supposed to evoke fond memories of the Road Rash series on the Sega Genesis, but is more likely to elicit appropriate levels of rage.
To say that this game has no redeeming qualities might sound harsh, but it’s simply true. It feels like a coagulated, shambolic mess with no heart that never should have passed the alpha stage of development. The only saving grace for Road Rage is that nobody really should have been expecting anything better. An open-world vehicular skirmish? Why, exactly? Modern developers seem to be convinced that open-world is a failsafe genre that gamers salivate for, and frankly, it’s becoming offensive. When the content found within that world is as imaginative and engrossing as that of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, it makes sense. When it’s ugly, cumbersome and dull like Road Rage, it defies belief. This feels like a bargain bin PS2 game, and it has no place in 2017.
