Changes Video Game Villains Could Make
Andross: No Hands. No Hands Whatsoever!!
Dr. Andross was once a respectable figure in Lylatian society, successfully obtaining his doctorate despite being an enormous floating disembodied head, which is a commendable achievement.
Unfortunately, his views on agriculture did not fall in line with popular opinion, leading to his banishment to the planet Venom.
By some accounts, Venom was known as the ‘evergreen planet’ upon Andross’ arrival, boasting beauty second to only Corneria’s, but that’s probably just tourism spin. The fact that it’s called Venom should be a major clue.
The mercenary fighter pilots known as Star Fox (NASDAQ: SF) successfully infiltrate all of Andross’ bases across the entire galaxy, which comes down more to bad luck than anything else.
After all, Andross literally sent them to a molten-hot star and attacked them with a monster made of lava. If that doesn’t work, you know you’re probably in trouble.
Regardless, Andross takes on the leader, Fox McCloud, directly, attacking him with his fists, lightning strikes, and a unique tactic known as eating his enemy alive.
However, he is felled due to one fatal flaw: his hands are flashing weak points that are very obvious and exposed. Initially, alternative gloves were considered, but the final recommendation is that he just hide his hands entirely.
Sure, he’ll still be vulnerable to laser blasts to the eyes, but that’s really more unpleasant than anything else. At the very least, it’s not quite as detrimental to the cause as having your hands explode and turning into a brain.
That said, a contingency plan is also available should the situation reach ‘turn into brain’ levels of urgency.
As the aforementioned brain is capable of teleportation, I would strongly suggest that instead of using this method to be super spooky and appear behind Fox, he opt to instead teleport out of the arena. Come on, Andross, you are an actual brain — maybe you should use it for once?
Consultation fee: sp$64,000. It’s one steep bill… but it’s worth it.
