Hammer Brothers
The Hammer Brothers made their first appearance in Super Mario Bros., kicking off 20-plus years of confusion on how they should be called since it’s a type of Koopa and not related to an actual family. These Koopas have three purposes in life: jumping, throwing hammers, and introducing anxiety to small children.
In the original game, the helmet-wearing Koopas usually appear in pairs and litter the screen with raining hammers. Unlike most enemies which had a distinct pattern that could be easily dealt with, the Hammer Brothers moved erratically between rows of blocks which meant that running past them was a risky proposition without a star or fire flower power-up. They would even start to chase Mario if they remained on screen for too long.
Hanzo
The only good Hanzo is a dead Hanzo. No player should ever pick this Overwatch character unless he/she is an aiming savant that can do physics calculations in real time. It’s bad enough that children use Hanzo as an insult for others.
Despite his scatter arrow ability that could garner a few kills due to the randomness of arrows bouncing off every wall it can find, this sniper is very hard to use. Hanzo has been used to troll other players too, since the common strategy is to sit in some corner and take pop shots at the other team. Without getting consistent kills, Hanzo is bad teammate. Also, no one likes a Hanjo.
Baby Mario
Baby Mario’s wailing screech is forever etched into the minds of those who played Yoshi’s Island for the Super Nintendo. It’s too bad he didn’t stay kidnapped like Baby Luigi. Instead, Yoshi has to be all noble and bring him along to save his kidnapped brother.
Baby Mario cannot do much besides sit on Yoshi’s saddle and exist to annoy the player. If Yoshi gets hit once, Baby Mario flies off his back and floats around in a bubble until it is popped. In case you forgot he was missing, don’t worry, because he won’t stop crying until he’s down. There’s also a time limit to get him back, in case the consistent yelping wasn’t enough to foster hatred for a baby.
Slippy Toad
Despite being able to pilot the Arwing combat spacecraft, Slippy Toad is absolutely terrible at doing anything else other than fly. His stupidity reached its peak with Star Fox 64 on the Nintendo 64, when he was given a voice. Expect to hear, “Whoa! Help me,” “I’m havin’ some trouble here” and “Noooooo,” until you want to claw his frog eyes out.
His constant voice quips saying he’s in danger become more of a distraction than they’re worth. Unfortunately, players need him to live to collect specific mission medals that require all allies to survive the mission. It’s not enough to mute the game when Slippy can’t stop starting fights he can’t finish.
Fi
Fi is Navi on steroids. As Link’s sidekick in The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, this humanoid spirit has to interrupt the player’s adventure with needless or repeated information. You don’t have to tell me my rupee bag is almost full, what an item is the ninth time I’ve picked it up, or how to defeat an enemy that I’ve killed hundreds of times before.
At least Navi had a cute soundbite that the internet could latch on to for a decade. Fi exudes no personality for the majority of the game, tells you facts you already figured out, and talks very slowly without a skip button to mash through text with.
Rico Velasquez
Rico Velasquez is the stereotypical, dumb-as-bricks soldier who shoots first and asks questions later. In Killzone 2, his constant swearing, reckless actions, and complete obnoxiousness made him more hated than the Nazi-inspired Helghan Empire.
Even being in a leadership-type position, he lets his emotions get in the way of the mission and his squad. The hatred for him caps off at Killzone 2’s finale, where the head Helghast leader has been captured and could be used as a bartering chip to end the war, but Rico shot him because he was talking too much.
It also didn’t help that he was a useless AI only good for soaking up bullets.
Published: Apr 24, 2017 10:30 am