I didn’t realize that the upcoming Sonic movie was going to be based on Sonic Unleashed. Kudos to Sega for reviving that underrated gem that really got more crap than it deserved in an unexpected way.
It was actually a pretty fun game with great level design in the daytime stages.. and… wait… You’re telling me that this isn’t a Sonic Unleashed movie? Oh dear god… what is wrong with Sonic?
Listen I don’t think even in the most optimistic of scenarios did anyone think that a live-action Sonic movie was going to be up for an Oscar in 2019. But, could it have at least looked something like Detective Pikachu? Something that looks a little jarring at first, but quickly grows on you?
Did Sonic have to look like he is on a strict diet of pure protein, is all lower body with a giant head, and hasn’t skipped a leg day since birth?
Then there are the eyes. Although mostly darkened, you can still get a glimpse of the cold, lifeless eyes that Sonic will be sporting in the upcoming film. Executive producer Tim Miller spoke to IGN (who exclusively revealed this Frankenstein monster to the world), and gave this explanation as to why Sonic’s eyes, and the design in general needed to be as frightening as possible:
The most challenging part of Sonic’s updated design isn’t revealed in this teaser: his eyes. The filmmakers struggled with how best to depict Sonic’s eyes because often he’s only seen with one, and that wouldn’t translate well to the live-action movie.
“I don’t think SEGA was entirely happy with the eye decision, but these sorts of things you go, ‘It’s going to look weird if we don’t do this.’ But everything is a discussion, and that’s kind of the goal, which is to only change what’s necessary and stay true to the rest of it,” said Miller. “He’s not going to feel like a Pixar character would because I don’t think that’s the right aesthetic to make it feel like part of our world.”
The world that Miller describes is clearly the darkest timeline. Given all the grisly details we know about the movie so far, I think this Twitter post sums up the direction Miller is describing pretty well:
What could Sega possibly dislike about that? Why have go with the charming, warm, comforting look of Pixar when you could make Sonic look like he belongs with the Satan worshipping Woodland Christmas Critters from South Park?
It didn’t have to be this way. As Sonic fans on Twitter have pointed out, there are examples of more real-life looking versions of Sonic that don’t look like abominations, but deep in our hearts, we always knew it would turn out like this.
A Sonic live-action movie is something that fans have asked for years for. Sonic has been adapted into all different animated forms of media many times, but a live-action movie was the forbidden fruit.
Fortunately for years, we were all protected from a live-action Sonic by an unseen force of good. An entity that protected us from the darkest, dankest Sonic memes, and asked for nothing in return. However, it could only shield us for so long. It was only a matter of time before evil would win, and that day has come.
It’s too late now. We can’t un-pick the forbidden fruit. The curse has been unleashed. And for our punishment? We must now endure a thousand years of posts like this: