10 Tiny Issues With Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

Tiny Issues with Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

Only Three Taunts When There are Four Directional Buttons

Taunts have been a staple of Super Smash Bros. since the first title on the N64. Back then, it was mapped to the L button, and there was only one taunt available for that reason.

Come Melee, it was shifted to the d-pad, but remained in just one flavor up until Brawl, when we were gifted with three taunts per character. At last, your reaction could suit your mood – this was especially helpful for Mario, whose ‘look I’m a big boy now’ taunt was just asking for you to get walloped from behind.

Here we are a decade later, but we still haven’t seen that elusive fourth taunt that could so easily be assigned to the final direction. Taunts, in general, seem to have been toned down in Ultimate (I had an Adam West moment when I questioned why Kirby doesn’t dance anymore), and this absence just amplifies the fact.

With the amount of microscopic details in Smash, this oversight feels a little strange. I assume Mr. Game & Watch is to blame, because there’s just not that many interesting things for him to do in celebration.

Could he get naked, maybe?

…Or is he always naked?

Tiny Issues with Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

They Removed Pikachu’s Happy Sushi Headband

Having every character in Smash history make a triumphant return to the playable roster is a commendable achievement that deserves recognition. Pikachu even got an extra dose of personality by having Pikachu Libre added as an alternate costume; it’s the best version of the electric mouse and should be your preferred option, amigos y amigas y Commodore 64s.

To make room, one of Pikachu’s existing outfits had to go, and lamentably, the happy sushi headband was lost in the shuffle. First introduced in Smash 4, this unique aesthetic made Pikachu look like a sun-damaged itamae from some obscure corner of Tokyo.

You could practically hear it shouting Japanese obscenities at its co-workers in the back, a parallel that I am only arbitrarily forcing into your consciousness because Sonny Chiba would be an excellent voice actor for Pikachu. If he doesn’t take the titular role in Detective Pikachu’s Japanese dub, I will consider it a personal affront.

Sorry, what? Oh yeah, happy sushi headband.

Clearly, the generic ‘sad red trainer hat’ variation should have been the costume that got the chop, particularly since the mildly snazzier cap from X/Y is available, too. One can only hope that this will be the case in a future update. It’s all about priorities, you see.

Tiny Issues with Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

Why Do I Have to Unlock Samus Twice?

So Smash Bros. Brawl didn’t age particularly well. Of all of its faults, the gratuitous loading time on transformations was perhaps one of its most glaring. This was particularly evident when swapping between fighters as the Pokemon Trainer, with the whole battle coming to a halt while your opponents eagerly awaited the arrival of the next beast.

They would most often welcome this arrival with a friendly punch to the face.

As a result, in Smash Bros. 4, we were told no mas on the transmogrification front, with Samus and Zelda being forcibly removed from their alternative forms. Though transformations have semi-returned in the form of the aforementioned Pokemon Trainer, Samus refuses to recombine the forces of her power suit and her slinky yoga attire.

This is probably for the best, as the two characters play very differently and most would have just stuck with one or the other, but it brings up some very confusing questions about the lore where World of Light is involved.

The basic premise, if you’re not already aware (I know you are, but humor me, dammit), is that the whole roster got besmirched by the big bad Galeem; effectively an angry Tide Pod with wings. It’s your daunting task to travel the map to rescue them all, but in Samus’ case, that means unlocking two different versions separately.

It’s bizarre enough with Zelda and Sheik, but you can at least conclude that they’re two separate iterations of the character, coming from different games in the series. You can’t say the same for Samus; there’s only one of her, unless you include Dark Samus, SA-X or Other M because we all refuse to believe that that game is actually a part of the real storyline.

There are no easy answers here (beyond ‘nobody cares, get over it’), but if you simply must have a reason for the separation between the two, you may have to conclude that the power suit is actually on autopilot, and Samus isn’t even in there to begin with. Hopefully, you can work that into your headcanon.

Tiny Issues with Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

I Can’t Find My Main in World of Light so I Keep Losing Online

One of the charming features of Smash Bros. Ultimate is that your initial roster upon startup mirrors the cast of the original title. With only eight fighters at your disposal, you’ll have to do your due diligence in order to acquire them all.

At this early juncture, it’s still a little bit fuzzy what the actual unlocking conditions for every character are (though it’s getting clearer by the day). It’s a far cry from the distinct ‘do thing A to unlock character B’ of yesteryear, and indeed, the most lucrative strategy appears to be frantically opening and closing menus until someone randomly leaps out at you from the shadows.

If you favor certainty, however, you may prefer to add fighters via World of Light, where each unlockable character resides somewhere on the world map. That being said, even if you know exactly where to go, your path is riddled with obstacles both literal and figurative that intend to slow you down.

You just want to unlock your girl Daisy because you think she’ll be fun to play as and you have very low standards, but you just can’t get past Kapp’n of Animal Crossing fame. Each attempt ends only with swearing and misery, highlighted by the declaration of ‘defeat’ splashed across the screen.

Sick and tired of this tomfoolery, you decide to take your game online instead, but of course, you’re still sans Daisy, and none of your other regulars are yet available to you, either. You settle for Fox, your Smash main from way back in the Clinton administration, and jump into the fray.

But his blaster no longer stuns, his grab has more startup lag, and he doesn’t have that awkward but hilarious forward smash where he nails a standing dropkick like Lance Storm. Sure, these things were changed all the way back in Melee, but the point still stands: your Fox, he doesn’t ‘wayonn’ quite like he used to.

Incidentally, ‘wayonn’ is the only suitable onomatopoeia for what he used to shout during his Fire Fox technique. That’s what the fox says.

Tiny Issues with Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

Marth Doesn’t Speak Japanese Anymore

Most of us met the handsome prince of Altea back when he was an unlockable character in Smash Bros. Melee. Alongside Roy, he was completely mysterious; the only things we knew were that he had a sword, was fun to use, and spouted Japanese at every opportunity.

Because of this, we’ve grown accustomed to hearing Marth talk exclusively in Nihongo. The uber-talented Yuri Lowenthal has actually been his English voice actor since Code Name: S.T.E.A.M. back in 2015, but many assumed that he would go back to his native tongue when the next Smash game rolled around.

But of course, this is not the case, and quite frankly, it’s jarring as hell. This was the man who taught us all how to arrogantly yet politely demand that everyone look at them in another language, and here he is saying decidedly non-Japanese things like ‘we’ll each need to take down about ten.’

As a total aside, is anyone else a tad bit confused when Zelda responds that he should ‘stow his fear’? The dude is just citing facts here, and the notion that he was able to take a head count (or hand count) that fast is rather impressive.

There’s no pleasing everyone, and obviously, there are some out there who would opt for the original voice actors when possible. In my case, I prefer for my pretty boys to only talk when I can’t understand a word they’re saying. It’s not like I wanted to have a real discussion with you or anything, Marth.

Tiny Issues with Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

Back Slash Is Nigh Impossible to Hit on Ryu

Apparently, one of the major criticisms for Ryu in Smash Bros. 4 was that it was hard to input his trademark button combinations for special attacks. Often you’d end up sending a Hadouken in the wrong direction, like a fiery carrier pigeon on an impossible mission to parts unknown.

To combat this, Ryu will always face his foes directly during 1-on-1 battles in Ultimate. It’s a neat touch that adds authenticity by reflecting the source material. This is all well and good, but it proves severely detrimental to a particular character who has carved out a niche for being able to stab people in the back like the Judas he is.

Shulk’s Back Slash is a weird move; it deals higher damage and has greater launching potential when applied directly into the opponent’s spine. Surely, this is true for any technique, as anyone who has ever been punched in the butt would attest. But Ryu will have none of that, and it gives him a very specific advantage over the Monado-wielder in solo skirmishes.

Your only recourse for back scratching shenanigans is to launch Ryu into the air, then quickly follow that up with a Back Slash before he has a chance to reorient himself. This isn’t a preferable strategy, as it would better behoove you to actually pursue with a faster attack that has less lag.

With that, you’ve effectively axed a quarter of Shulk’s specials out of his arsenal, all thanks to Ryu’s desire to engage you in a never-ending staring contest.

Tiny Issues with Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

Chrom Is Still in Robin’s Final Smash

Alright, so this one actually has a degree of legitimacy to it, which totally ruins my pedantic fun but simply cannot be overlooked.

Many of our favorite combatants got an update to their Final Smashes in Ultimate, from Link’s Ancient Arrows to Yoshi’s penchant to gather up his posse and curb stomp you into oblivion. However, one of the most obvious candidates for a revision, Robin, was inexplicably left untouched.

There’s nothing wrong with his Final Smash on a base level; it’s effective enough, and it’s pretty satisfying to summon your buddy Chrom and unleash a lethal combo that evokes the fondest memories of Fire Emblem Awakening.

The issue, of course, is the fact that Chrom is now a playable character himself, making his cameo in Robin’s finishing move rather mind-boggling. Had they just kept everything else the same, substituting the blue-haired lord for Robin’s child, Morgan, nobody would have batted an eyelid. Well, somebody would have, because golly, people like battin’ dem eyelids.

It’s most awkward when you’re locked in mortal combat with Chrom himself, watching on as a friendly doppelganger opens a can of whoop-ass in a visual so bizarre, you’d think M. Night Shyamalan was somehow involved.

Fortunately, anyone who has played Awakening and ventured into the Outrealms of StreetPass can attest that this is actually fairly true to the source material.

Small victories, right?

Tiny Issues with Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

My Favorite Character’s Spirit Is Terrible

The newly added spirits feature may basically be an updated version of the stickers from Brawl, but it’s a lot more intuitive and doesn’t involve trying to force as many Chibi Robo pictures onto a circular frame as possible.

With over 1,000 Nintendo all-stars making an appearance in a support role, it’s a nice way to give a nod to your favorite minor cast members by implementing them into your gameplay.

That is, unless your spirit just straight up sucks. Remember Buzz Buzz, the mighty warrior from the stars who met an untimely end in Earthbound’s prologue? He will reward your loyalty by lumping you with 30% damage when the battle begins.

One of the hints suggests that this ability can prove useful when combined with another spirit that triggers at high damage, but you know what would be even more useful? Not entering battle with 30% damage, that’s what. Damn you, Buzz Buzz! I’ll smash your guts out!!

Then there’s the business of plant-based spirits like Deku Link or everyone’s favorite foliage, Venusaur. By equipping them, you will have reduced resistance to fire-based attacks.

This is especially concerning when fire-based attacks appear to be almost everywhere. Each fight is a massive flame war in the most literal sense.

Venusaur could have done all kinds of marvelous things like increase your health recovery, or boost the power of Lip’s Stick, but instead, its ability is flammability. Thanks for that, big fella.

Tiny Issues with Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

Why Does Ivysaur Still Have Tether Recovery?

Indeed, the ‘saur disrespect doesn’t stop there, as the returning Ivysaur has some problems of its own. Though its most severe issues from Brawl have been rectified (chiefly, it doesn’t get tuckered out after fighting for too long), its ability to return to the stage from afar is nullified by the fact that it still has Vine Whip as its recovery option.

Tether recoveries suffer from too many setbacks to list, but the most prominent one is its unreliability. If you aim it incorrectly, it will whiff badly, or even misfire in the wrong direction, leaving your beloved cabbage friend flailing at thin air.

Adjusted or completely reworked special moves are nothing new for the Smash Bros. series, and when you consider Ivysaur’s absence in Smash 4, this would have been the perfect time to scrap the move altogether in favor of something more user-friendly.

Potential alternatives include Petal Dance, wherein it would use the power of pretty flowers in order to gain altitude, Outrage, wherein it would harness its own fury to compel it upward, or Jump Better, Ivysaur, wherein Ivysaur would jump better. That last one could perhaps stand to be workshopped a little, but you get the general idea.

Tiny Issues with Smash Bros Ultimate Nobody Actually Cares About

I Can’t Play as Waluigi

What do you mean I can’t play as this secondary Mario character whose sole purpose was to give Wario a buddy to enjoy tennis with? He’s significant in Nintendo echelons because of his appearances in Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix and Mario Hoops 3-on-3! He’s practically Nintendo royalty.

His moveset would consist of doing very Waluigi-ey things, and he has shown an incredibly consistent repertoire throughout the years. In Mario Power Tennis, he was capable of summoning a cascade of water in order to swim across the court. In Mario Strikers Charged, he created walls of sinister bramble. In Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour, he waa’d on at least three separate occasions.

…Seriously though, suck it up. Waluigi is trash.