Master Chief
The savior of humanity probably doesn’t really know what Black Friday is, given his military background and constant fighting. But hey, when you hear that Inside Out and Jurassic World are on sale for $10 each, even the most reclusive person will step out for some Blu-Rays. Some stores have “doorbuster sales,” which Chief takes a bit too literally, and he ends up losing out on some sales (he’s good at losing things, ask Cortana after Halo 4), but he finally does manage to catch a break.
Anyone who plays Halo knows that it can be easy for someone to just come and knock you in the back of the head, and his trusty AI buddy Cortana is…indisposed, so Chief isn’t running at full capacity. His solution would be to bring in his old Spartan Blue Team for help. Kelly would be a speedy distraction and send people on a chase as she steals stuff from their carts, Linda would use her sniper to knock others out with sleeper darts, and Fred would go look at the washing machines and cause a scene. Anyone tries to wrestle the Chief over a movie, he’d just punch them in the face. Ever been punched in the face by a Spartan? It hurts.