Mars of Destruction
Mars of Destruction is a horror anime that follows an all-female agency – specializing in swordplay, firearms, and intelligence – known as AAST. These agents are tasked with hunting creatures from mars, the Ancients, and stopping them from killing all of humanity.
While AAST may be skilled, the key to defeating the ancients is a mild-mannered high school boy wielding a mysterious MARS power suit.
If that description wasn’t enough to make you question the show, the logic behind one of its senes will make your head spin. After one character gets decapitated – shown off via a comically bad blood spurt – they take her to a hospital to see if she is ok…while her entire head is gone.
Couple the bad writing and artwork with even worse voice acting, and you’ve got the makings of a terrible anime. If nothing else, you should watch Mars of Destruction to form a baseline of how you should judge anime from this point on.
Angel Cop
Don’t let the name fool you; Angel Cop really is as dumb as it sounds. The story follows You “Angel” Mikawa, a member of an elite unit formed to hunt terrorists called the Special Security Force.
Mikawa is all business, not caring who lives or dies as long as the Red May, a communist radical group, doesn’t succeed in bringing down the government.
While the fact that this is the plot to most cheesy action movies, it’s Angel Cop’s lack of characterization, development, and abhorrently crude dialogue that makes it a dumpster fire of fun.
At one point, a character is being attacked after jumping down and failing to shoot their enemy. In reaction to being attacked, they yell, “fuck and piss.” High-quality writing, folks.
Vampire Holmes
If entertainment has taught us anything, taking a beloved fictional character and adding a supernatural element to them rarely ever works. Such is the case with Vampire Holmes, another retelling of Sherlock Holmes with the twist that the world’s greatest detective is also a vampire.
From the voice over to the characters to the writing, the show is hilariously bad. This version of Holmes uses no reason or deduction to solve his mysteries; he just manages to solve them because the story necessitates it.
It is honestly fascinating to see such a bad take on Sherlock Holmes. You can bet your britches that creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is turning over in his grave at the mere thought that Vampire Holmes is even a thing.
Ghost Stories (Dub)
The English Dub of Ghost Stories is one of the most notorious translations in the history of anime. The (Ghost) story goes that the original Japanese version of this show did so poorly that the English voice actors got free range when creating the script.
Instead of sticking to the original plot and dialogue, the North American actors decided to work what they had into a comedy. And if you’ve seen even one clip of the results, it’s pretty clear they had no intention of hiding the fact that it’s meant to be satirical.
From “Where’d ass boy go?” to “Leo’s fat ass broke the beam!,” every line of this anime is pure chaos.
Even non-anime fans have likely stumbled upon Ghost Stories’ hilarious English dub on YouTube, as there are tons of clips showcasing its intentionally bad translation throughout the platform.
Crystal Triangle
Ever wanted to see Indiana Jones, but in the form of a really dumb anime? Well Crystal Triangle’s got everything you hated about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull packed in one place.
This anime follows Koichiro Kamishiro, an inept treasure hunter who spends his time scouring ruins for hints of a hidden message amongst God’s ten commandments. One day, he stumbles across a box filled with two crystal triangles.
What follows next is an adventure that sees the architect hunted by the KGB, CIA, Aliens, and a horde full of lustful women that just can’t resist his lousy voice acting.
Oh, God also has a spaceship that is run by a child-like bug, so it’s got that going for it, too.
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