Time to open our eyes.
Time to open our eyes.
The Pokemon games are all about setting out on your own adventure to be the very best there ever was and catching ’em all. Along the way you’ll build a team of strong Pokemon, defeat other trainers, help put a stop to the evil Team Rocket, and if all goes to plan, become the Pokemon Champion. While all of these things may seem relatively normal and innocent at first glance, let us open your eyes to the dark underbelly of your Pokemon adventure.
You’ve just turned 10 years old and nobody seems to bat an eye that you’re about to embark on a journey of enslaving monsters, battling them, and traveling across the country to become the very best. Yup in just eight Gym Badges time you’ll be probably be the youngest ever Pokemon Champion around!
Well, I guess you won’t be completely alone. After all, you’ll have your trusty enslaved monster by your side from the very beginning to help you attack other creatures until they pass out unconscious, so you can capture them while they’re weak, and then continue forward.
Of course, it’s not just wild Pokemon you stumble upon on your adventure, but other captured creatures too. That can only mean one thing, let’s battle them and bet on the victor. That seems like a completely normal thing for a 10 year old child to do…
But you can’t just battle for fun… as weird as that may sound. Oh no, you must reap your rewards and receive seemingly obscene amounts of money for emerging victorious. Then again, you’re gonna need all the money you can get for some items…
Ah yes. It seems that bikes have become the most sought after commodity in the entire Pokemon world. $1,000,000 is the going price for a bike in Kanto. Even our twisted Poke-fighting can’t fund that. Good thing we were lucky enough to grab one of those vouchers then.
So we’ve got a millionaire’s form of transport, creatures doing our dirty work and we’re well on our way to becoming Pokemon masters. We might as well add ‘defeating the largest organized crime gang’ to our list of accomplishments as well.
And once they’re out of the way we’ll go and snag those God-like, mythical Pokemon and add them to our roster, too.
If you thought the high-tech Poke Balls that you used to carry your creatures around in was inhumane, how about the idea of cramming them all inside a PC. Good thing you can only store 30 to a box though. 35 would have been far too many to put in such a small area.
Everyone knows that practice makes perfect, and the same principle applies for your Pokemon. The more you train them, the stronger they will become. However, the wait is too long for some trainers, and so they decide to use all sorts of performance-enhancing drugs on their Pokemon to get quick results.
Who knows what the real side effects of all that Carbos and Rare Candy will be.
Ditto is one of the most useful ‘mon around, yet most end up with the same fate. Stuck in a daycare being the partner for whatever other Pokemon you throw in with it so you can breed and get the best creatures around. It’s safe to say Ditto’s are invaluable to the Pokemon population.
Because apparently this is a common occurrence in the world of Pokemon. You know what, I think I’ll stay in the real world after all.
Scruffy-looking nerf herders, assemble!
Fly away to Neverland.
Life finds a way.
Lock in your preorder now.
Also launching in eight new countries.
Some familiar faces.
Still expected in late 2017.
Deadpool has dreamed a big, expensive dream.
Some 3D Platforming Nostalgia