I Did it, I Made the Tackiest Gun in Call of Duty: Black Ops III

This needed to happen.

Ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a clear example of the best gun ever. Let me present to you the absolute tackiest gun possible in Call of Duty: Black Ops III. The trials, tribulations, and inspiration that went into making the Kuda look obviously psychotic.

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Here is the right side of the gun. We started off with a hot pink finish because nothing says, “Come at me, enemies” like hot pink.

On the left is the masterful painting titled simply ‘The Inadequacies of Time; The Fall of Man.’ There’s a clock that symbolizes our mortality, a blood stain that symbolizes blood stains, and Death looming on the side. It’s really deep shit, you know? Makes us question our place on earth and what we can do with this one wild life we have with us. Will we fall to the wayside, will we thrust through our adversities, will we be champions in this realm? There is only one of each of us and only one life to prove who we are and how we fit into the grand scheme.

I like dogs so I put one there.

There’s a green alien ship with a thought bubble hanging overhead because we must always ask ourselves if we’re alone in this world. Are they out there? Will they ever reveal themselves, our brothers and sisters in the universe? What do we do, then? Do we even want the responsibility of knowing we’re in fact not alone and there is a civilization that has managed to advance far greater than us? Do we want to face the fact that we are, in fact, not special?

The blue cloud at the bottom looked like a fart.

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Here we see the top of the gun, in all its blue glory. There’s a red skull and a green fist because Christmas makes me very punchy, apparently.

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Here is the left, coated in a real highlighter yellow motif. There is a small bio-hazard symbol that’s meant to let everyone know I am DANGEROUS. As you can obviously tell, the heart with an arrow through it is because I am both an Outrider and also a huge player. There are some HAs there because I love to laugh. You know, I treated this gun a lot like a dating profile; that was my inspiration.

Those flags represent my beliefs. There’s three of them and they’re all blank. I don’t believe in anything but flags.

Finally, there’s a small lizard on the bottom that has no right being there. That lizard is me. I am the lizard. We are all that lizard.

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