It looks like everyone’s favorite game awards show host and games journalist, Geoff Keighley, is the next big name to announce they’re skipping E3 this year. It just won’t be the same without him, but hear me out on a different plan.
Since our favorite Canadian won’t be busy with the E3 Coliseum this year here are a few projects he could get dropped into to fill up his schedule for 2020.
Animal Crossing: New Horizons
Geoff Keighley is the unsung best hype man in all of video games. And what does Tom Nook need more than anything else in the world? That’s right, everyone’s “favorite” tanooki needs a hype man, or at least someone to be the Chris Traeger to his Ben Wyatt.
When you’re being reminded that your life and everything you own is owed to Nook, then some anthropomorphic Tanooki version of Keighley could jump in and try to soften the blows that your landlord deals out.
Isabelle may be the fan-favorite character in Animal Crossing now, but just you wait until this Canadian Tanooki bursts onto the scene. I just hope there won’t be as much disturbing fan art for Keighley’s character.
Half-Life Alyx
After what seems like millennia, we’re finally getting a new Half-Life game in the year of our Lord 2020. Geoff Keighley was there covering Gabe Newell’s masterpiece from the beginning, so why not bring him into the fold now?
Obviously Alyx will be the main character, but Keighley could still play an important role in this game. He could go around to people’s houses while they’re playing VR and scare the crap out of them when they have their headset on.
If the next installment in the Half-Life franchise being VR isn’t scary enough for you or your bank account, then just imagine a harmless pale 40-year-old Canadian man sneaking into your home to evangelize the good word of Kojima.
Persona 5 Royal
Persona 5 Royal is finally making its way to the West this year and even though it’s already done I think there’s one more cameo that they could toss in just for us Persona fans in North America and Europe.
That would be none other than Geoff Keighley sensei. He wouldn’t need to be romanceable, but having him as a teacher would be the perfect role for everyone’s favorite host of The Game Awards.
He’s already used to public speaking, so it’s just a natural transition for him. Give him a meterstick for corporal punishment and impeccable aim with bits of chalk and he’ll fit right in as a teacher at Shujin Academy.
Marvel’s Avengers
Last but not least, Marvel’s Avengers won’t be complete without a special guest. You could toss Geoff Keighley in there as any random Marvel hero, but the best way to make him memorable and recognizable is as the Dorito Pope.
He uses the sugar and caffeine of Mountain Dew to rot the teeth of his enemies and make them too jittery to function. The preservatives from the Doritos (enough to mummify a small dog) keep his enemies on the brink of death as they suffer unimaginable pain.
It’s a truly ruthless and devastating tactic that would even shock Taskmaster. This is the best possible case of course. He could also be a dude in the background who cheers on the avengers. That could be cool too I guess.
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