The UK is a bit of a shambles right now. Brexit has become an all-consuming and incredibly divisive issue, grinding progress on just about everything to a halt. The nation’s divided on most issues and everything’s a bit of a mess.
But hey, Thursday is General Election day, we’ll all go and vote, and one way or another, the House of Commons will be filled once again and sessions will likely commence again next week. So, to celebrate this most divisive and depressing General Election, I thought –screw it– let’s give UK politicians the Pokemon treatment.
Most are based on one of the Pokemon’s Pokedex entries and how they match up to the policies, principles, personalities, or recent news surrounding these political figures.
Now, a quick disclaimer: Yes, there is some political bias in here. I’ve sourced things as best as I can, and tried to take a dig at everyone and have a bit of fun. It is what it is, but feel free to leave your politician and Pokemon pairings in the comments!
Boris Johnson – Alolan Dugtrio
“Its metallic whiskers are heavy, so it’s not very fast, but it has the power to dig through bedrock.” – Pokedex
Conservative Leader and current Prime Minister Boris Johnson has caused quite the stir this General Election campaigning season.
From refusing to be interviewed by the BBC’s Andrew Neil — despite this being commonplace for decades and all other party leaders obliging — putting a journalist’s phone in his pocket to avoid answering a question about a 4-year-old with Pneumonia sleeping on a hospital floor, claiming 40 new hospitals would be built despite it actually being funding for six refurbishments, refusing to reveal the findings of the Russia report prior to the General Election… the list goes on.
Despite all of this, Johnson’s election promise is clear; that only he and the Conservative Party can get the country out of this Brexit deadlock. With no other party having been able to take a stab at negotiations with the EU, that seems a bit obvious, but it’s a vote winner regardless.
Boris Johnson may be a bit of a waffling buffoon when put under pressure on just about anything (listen to him talk about how much he enjoys making model buses and you’ll see what I mean), much like the slow Alolan Dugtrio, weighed down in battle by its heavy metal whiskers.
On an aside, we also find it baffling how Alolan Dugtrio can manage to have better-looking hair than a real-life, upper-class politician.
What Johnson lacks for in finesse, he makes up for in his ability to dig his way out of conflict. He can waffle to no-end, and ducks out of battles he knows he can’t win. He intends to use these abilities to “Get Brexit Done.”
Spoilers: He definitely cannot get Brexit done. We’re also pretty sure the other two of this trio are Dominic Cummings and Donald Trump, whispering sweet, nonsensical Brexit rhetoric into his ear. “Get Brexit done…” say the voices coming from the trio of holes before you.