Mario Tennis Aces

Mario Tennis Aces Is Corrupt and We’re Blowing the Lid on the Whole Thing

An ace in the hole.

Smashing Rackets is Considered an Acceptable Tactic

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Mario Tennis Aces

One of the new features in Mario Tennis Aces is racket durability. If you poorly time returns on special shots, it will take damage, and eventually shatter in your hand like something from the Kmart discount bin.

Though this shows a concerning decline in the quality of Mushroom Kingdom equipment, the bigger issue is the fact that competitors are encouraged to exploit this, sending deadly volleys directly towards their opponent.

Imagine if Milos Raonic tried this? He leaps into the air, bouncing off invisible walls to gain more height, does a mid-air flip that should theoretically decrease his momentum but instead somehow maximizes his power, and launches a shot right into the face of Gael Monfils.

‘Sacre bleu!’ Monfils would cry, ‘Je ne comprends pas!’

He would say this because that is all of the French I know, other than ordering a coffee. I don’t think he would order a coffee at that moment. But the point is, it would be absolutely bizarre to witness, especially when Monfils has exhausted his full supply of rackets, and is obligated to forfeit. How would ESPN cover that debacle, I wonder?


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Author
Tony Cocking
A miserable little pile of secrets. Unabashed Nintendo stan, Resident Evil fancier and obscure anime enthusiast who insists everything is funnier when the rule of three is applied. Oh, and once I saw a blimp!