Arm Wrestling
Because of course, Mario has already competed in traditional wrestling (thanks again, Olympics!), and professional wrestling isn’t actually a sport, kayfabe be damned. This may disqualify it from contention, but it does not make the idea of a Mario professional wrestling game any less amazing. Super Lariato!
So we’ve had to widen our net and broaden our biceps with a rousing bout of arm wrestling. Truly a test of mettle, grit, and intestinal fortitude, it would be quite the spectacle to see Bowser take on Donkey Kong to determine once and for all who is the mightiest in the Mushroom Kingdom. If football’s issue is that it would be a tad too complicated for a Mario game, the opposite would surely be true of arm wrestling. It is, after all, a sport that is undertaken entirely while sitting down.
But never you forget, Nintendo did have an arm wrestling game out in arcades back in the mid-80s, which even featured a guest appearance from Bald Bull of Punch-Out fame. Could Mario and his pals be the perfect squad to bring this glorious lost legacy back from the past? They would probably make for better mascots than Texas Mac. There is something really unsettling about that man’s nipples.
