Witcher 3: Blood and Wine Proves Geralt Is the Worst Barber Patron in Existence

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Geralt, how is he supposed to shave you?

In The Witcher 3: Blood and Wine, Geralt is many things. He’s a savior to the people, a hunter of monsters, a mutated Witcher, and apparently a person who doesn’t understand how barbers work.

There I was, ready to finally get a hair cut and a shave, a treat for myself after having slain the Beast of Beauclair. I set a way point for the Tourney Grounds, keen on trying Toussaint’s resident hair stylist to see if he could hold a candle to my buddy over in Novigrad. I show up, dressed to the nines in my Grandmaster Ursine gear and Tesham Mutna mask.

And then this:

witcher 3 blood and wine idiot geralt

Geralt lays down his weapons and removes his shirt and armor, but leaves on his damn mask. Let that sink in for a second. This Witcher – a man who can identify monsters by looking at a blood stain, a man who can make alchemical oils capable of taking down dragons – wears a mask during his entire haircut.

Look at that barber. Look at how disturbed he is as I request a beard trim. Geralt sits there, calmly awaiting his new goatee as Toussaint’s biggest troll.

For more on The Witcher 3: Blood and Wine, be sure to check out our wiki.

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