Features

What if We All Die Never Having Played Half Life 3?

What if we all, very seriously here, never see Half Life 3?

Not even a commercial


Not even a blurry teaser image of a crowbar

crowbar

Every March 3rd, as we reach our golden years, becomes waiting for our Hogwarts letters all over again

Except it never comes

All over again

And this time, instead of just turning 11 and moving on with your life

You’re dying
harry potter hogwarts hedwig window

Gabe dies, too

Valve turns to dust

We have kids, name them Henry Lawrence the 3rd

“But Mom,” your spawn asks, “there isn’t even a second or first Henry Lawrence.”

You hand him another crowbar

gabe newell half life 3

We’ll have those headcrab plushes

Like – way too many of them

They’re not good home decor, your spouse keeps telling you

These can’t be throw pillows, they say

You order more headcrabs on Amazon, and get a divorce
headcrab plush

What would it be like

As the light fades from our eyes, seeing the tunnel

Knowing that our snotty, undeserving grandchildren will probably play it

Well, screw them

You spend your final moments on this earth praying to every possible god that they never know the Gordon Freeman that has forsaken you

Half Life 3 Confirmed

All those times, you think

Half Life 3 Confirmed

“Half Life 3 Confirmed”
half life 3 confirmed 2013

Instead of your childhood or your loved ones, the last things to flash before your eyes are these memes.

Half Life 3 Confirmed

And then, that’s it. The generation that wanted Half Life 3 is gone. There wouldn’t even be a point now.

So Valve starts over, with Half Life 1

And it all begins anew…

Comments
To Top