If you’re a Kingdom Hearts fan, you probably have been for a good chunk of your life by now. The original Kingdom Hearts came out in 2002 followed by Kingdom Hearts 2 in 2005. It is now 2014 and every Kingdom Hearts fan in the world has been waiting for Kingdom Hearts 3 for almost 10 years now.
Square Enix finally announced Kingdom Hearts 3 at E3 2013 for the Xbox One and PlayStation 4 systems. The collective sigh of relief heard ‘round the world was probably even enough to wake Sora up since we all know he’s usually sleeping or something. So the big question on everyone’s minds aside from “Holy crap when is this game coming out?!” was likely “What took Square Enix so long?” Well friends, I have an answer for you.
Sora. It was Sora. Sora is the reason we’ve had to wait about 10 years for another flagship Kingdom Hearts game. If you’ve played through any of a number of different Kingdom Hearts games, you might be thinking “Ah, he probably fell asleep again like he has in almost every spin-off game.” But no, you would be wrong. This time around, the delay was really only due to the one thing holding Sora back from the other Kingdom Hearts characters. He hadn’t gone through puberty yet.
An unnamed source over at Organization XIII told us “Yeah, Sora was kind of annoying wasn’t he? We were waiting for him to grow up or something so he’d stop going on and on about friendship all the time. It’s actually the worst.” We even reached out to Riku for comment and he said “Sora won’t stop following me around.”
So it turns out that all that had to happen for there to be another Kingdom Hearts was for Sora to go through puberty. That’s easier said than done, though. Apparently Sora was inexplicably not growing. According to Kairi: “At one point I was almost a foot taller than him. We don’t know what happened. Maybe it could have had something to do with the fact that we could never find any food aside from sea salt ice cream. I actually don’t really know since I never have any idea what’s going on.”
In spite of the struggles faced by the Kingdom Hearts cast in the 9-year period of waiting, there’s finally a light at the end of the tunnel. Sora has grown up ladies and gentlemen, and we’re finally going to get a Kingdom Hearts 3! Although we couldn’t get in touch with Sora himself since he’s off looking for Riku, Roxas (who is basically Sora) tells us “He woke up one day and he was a lot taller I think. It might have had something to do with all that weird time traveling business he was involved in. He still can’t grow a beard though. I don’t think any of us can…” Axel was with Roxas at the time, but when one of our reporters tried to speak to him he just kept repeating the phrase “Got it memorized?” for about 10 minutes.
It has been a long and arduous 9 years. After 9 years of spin-offs and fan service, we’ll finally see Sora and friends on the consoles again. Hopefully he doesn’t fall asleep again.