The Onion Lampoons Character Creation in ESO

Gamers love customization, and character creation is a ritual cherished by many. I know I’ve spent upwards of 3 hours fine-tuning my character’s appearance, despite the fact that she’ll spend most of the game in a helmet obscuring her face. But it can be (rightly) argued that character creation has gotten a little out of control recently.

In the video above, The Onion pokes fun at a series known for it’s deep character creation, presenting a fictional Elder Scrolls Online that allows you to customize characters down to the cellular level. Not only can you “create the musculoskeletal system that’s right for you,” you can customize your characters’ internal organs and even alter their genetic code.

Preposterous, yes, but outside the realm of possibility? Not really, character creation has already been taken to absurd levels. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but do I really need the option to manipulate my character’s “nose bridge asperity” and “nasolabial folds?”

Aside from not really knowing what any of that means, the sheer glut of options you have in customizing your character can often be paralyzing. After pushing a slider back and forth for hours, trying to decide how protruded I want my jaw to be, there inevitably comes the moment when I say to myself, “ah, screw it, I just wanna play the game already!”

Still, I urge you to check out The Onion’s take on character creation, it’s spot-on.


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