You may know of video game developer From Software from the hit Demon/Dark Souls series of games. But did you know that From Software was also responsible for creating one of the most patriotic games ever made? On the eve of this year’s celebration of American Independence, let’s give some recognition to Metal Wolf Chaos, an exclusive Japanese game for the original Xbox. It is a game filled with so much patriotism, ‘Merica, and one liners that we couldn’t make room for it here in the USA.
To the many of you who have likely never heard of Metal Wolf Chaos, let me bring you up to speed: The 47th President of the United States (we’re up to 44 so this is all going to happen soon), Michael Wilson, must face a challenge unlike any other president has faced before. A military coup led by Vice President Richard Hawk, has succeeded in seizing control of major cities all over the country. Freedom is on its last legs and all seems bleak except for one small glimmer of hope. President Michael Wilson has equipped himself with a mecha suit, developed in secret by the military, and has set out to take back America’s freedom by any means necessary. In other words, it has the single greatest plot in the history of modern media.
And while it sounds great on paper, it is unsurprisingly even better in action. Just look at everything that happens in the first part of the game. Hell even the load screen gives me a craving for some apple pie.
If you don’t feel like watching here is a summary of everything that you’re missing out on:
- The president blasts out of the oval office in a mech suit screaming “LET’S PARTY”
- He then accesses an underground base hidden in the front lawn of the White House, but not before mowing down hordes of evil coup d’etat forces via machine gun and rockets of course.
- The mech suit has an arsenal of bad ass weaponry built in including shotguns, multi-rocket firing bazookas, and sniper rifles. Oh and it has rocket powered jet skates.
- President Michael Wilson hijacks Air Force One (the president’s personal aircraft) and takes out the Lincoln Memorial on his way out.
And this is all just in the first mission.
What really makes Metal Wolf Chaos the best game ever made is its campy plot, hysterically terrible voice acting, and corny one liners that would make even Arnold Schwarzenegger shake his head. The confrontation between President Michael Wilson and Vice President Richard Hawk says it all. All I’m going to say about it is that for the first, and probably last time ever, someone utters the phrase: “Suck on my missile punch!”
It’s unclear why Metal Wolf Chaos never came to the United States. Sure, the game is over the top insane, but isn’t that what America is all about? Movie action heroes govern our most powerful states, our small sodas are bigger than European super sized drinks, and our homegrown sport, Baseball, calls its championship the World Series even though its only played in the U.S. Why? Because screw you other baseball playing countries that’s why. America!
The ending of Metal Wolf Chaos solidifies what the American spirit is all about. “Jody, who am I?” asks President Michael Wilson as he’s plummeting towards Earth from space in a fiery blaze of glory. “I’m the President. I always make the impossible, possible, and I’m going to keep on doing so!” Don’t watch the next video if you don’t want spoilers for a ten year old Japanese Xbox game about the POTUS battling coup forces led by the VP in a robotic mech suit. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy the ending to the most patriotic game ever made.
Have a happy 4th of July everyone!