Console

How Microsoft Plans on Turning the Xbox One into A PC

In a stunning victory for gamers feeling the pressure on their XBone hard drives, Microsoft has indeed guaranteed support for external storage. The massive company finally seems to want to get back on gamers’ good side as it enables crucial support for the digitally-powered library of games.

But what console gamers are seeing as a great victory is actually the beginnings of a clever ploy by Microsoft to slowly wean them away from the idea of a console system with everything you need to play in one convenient package with no alteration required… mostly.


Yes. Microsoft’s next-gen console will actually be a PC and the XBOne is the first step. Wake up, sheeple! You’re being had!

The simple days. When HDMI didn't exist yet, and all the cables you needed came with the console.

The simple days. When HDMI didn’t exist yet, and all the cables you needed came with the console.

When Nintendo and Sega released their consoles in the 80s and 90s, they popped out of the box ready to play. With enough accessories included to immediately enjoy a game, the product the customer paid for was completely usable. Audio and video cables? Check. AC adapter? Double-check. Controller? You know it. Game? …that’ll be twelve thousand dollars, please.

Fast-forward to Sony and Microsoft entering the playing field with the first Xbox and the Playstation family of consoles, and the song remained the same. Take box, open box, plug in to TV, play game. And you didn’t even have to blow it to make it work! …Ahem.

Each one of these consoles was fully playable right out of the box.

Each one of these consoles was fully playable right out of the box.

Though at the same time, PC Gamers were struggling with monolithic hardware, custom-written autoexec.bat scripts, and rising minimum hardware requirements. All too often PC gamers had to buy, swap, and replace hardware just to play the latest and greatest games. And this was no guarantee their purchased games would even work at all! Their trials were many, but they persevered. For the sake of pixellated titillation in Duke Nukem 3D, oh how they persevered.

As the so-called PC Gaming Master Race sneered down upon the console gamers and their lazy lifestyles, Microsoft decided the time had come to merge them together and let bygones be bygones. Enter the Xbox One, a massive gaming console the size of a 90s VCR with enough mandatory accessories to choke an elephant.

With digital downloadable titles abound, the meager hard disk space of the console swiftly shrunk, and the company revealed the bait: just hook up a supported external hard drive, and your gaming library fears were no more.

With Windows 8 and the XBOne, PC's and the console are barely indistinguishable!

With Windows 8 and the XBOne, PC’s and the console are barely indistinguishable!

This sounds bizarre to a console gamer – that their console needs be modified to actually play the full suite of games offered. But to a glorious member of the PC Gaming Master Race, this seemed like a no-brainer. The wheels started turning. After some inside research at Microsoft headquarters, it was finally uncovered that the software giant intends to turn its Xbox fanbase into PC Gamers by the next generation of consoles.

Dubbed the Xbox Ultimate, it will be most reminiscent to the tower computers of the early 90s. Weighing in at almost 40 pounds, the console will be practically impossible to transport yet feature a wide array of parts that the user is free to manipulate at their will, provided they don’t ruin the delicate circuits with Overload-er, static discharge.

The Gateway 2000 was a solid line of PC's, and the XBox can only hope to imitate its glory.

The Gateway 2000 was a solid line of PC’s, and the XBox can only hope to imitate its glory.

Not only will storage be expandable with the use of external hard drives, but the graphics cards and onboard processors will all be swappable with newer, better hardware as it becomes available. While this opens up the “console” to many of the difficulties that PC Gamers faced in the past, Microsoft is confident the move is a solid one.

Developers will also no doubt be hard-pressed to design games for the different possibilities that a gamer could configure their “console” with. As opposed to the standardized hardware loadout and capabilities that a console provides as a development environment, this game-changer will mean higher budgets for console games and rising retail prices.

Microsoft-branded hardware? No doubt! Guaranteed support for the Xbox Ultimate!

Microsoft-branded hardware? No doubt! Guaranteed support for the Xbox Ultimate!

Eventually, Microsoft will simply cease to differentiate between their PC-oriented businesses and their console shops and simply merge the organizations into one unit. Citing the needs of the gamer, Microsoft is confident that this is what console gamers want and will adapt splendidly to their newfound PC Gaming powers.

What Sony and Nintendo’s response will be is anyone’s guess. Nintendo seems content to release the same thing over and over again until global warming turns us all into underground cave dwellers, and Sony already flirted with disaster when the PS3 was found to support Linux, obviously an early sign that they were already considering the move Microsoft is making now.

We see what you did there, Sony! And then you "scrambled" to patch the jailbreaking.

We see what you did there, Sony! And then you “scrambled” to patch the jailbreaking.

As a final statement, Microsoft wants all console gamers to know that the days of simple plug-and-play gaming are over. May the glory of the PC Gaming Master Race shine down upon all the console gaming peasants.

Writer’s note: the writer is a happy owner of many console systems and a gaming PC and loves all good games. Happy gaming!

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